Motherhood has Changed Me

Motherhood has changed me. Before I became a mother, I was the sort of person who would cautiously nibble the toes off a gingerbread man first. Now that I'm a mother, the first thing I do is maul the head off. I like to hear it crack.

When listening to somebody expressing wildly ill-informed views, I used to think, "Well, even though I disagree, I think that perhaps there is some truth to what you're blah blah blah..." Now I simply nod my head, smile, and think to myself, "You, Sir, are an idiot." And after I have another child or two, I might just say it out loud.

Most Mums talk about losing their memory and clarity of thought. I was never very Clear Of Thought at the best of times, but nowadays, I find that all my mental notes have been erased before I've had a chance to act on them.

If Smoochy Girl does a poo in the bath, I'll make a mental note: "Deal With Poointhebath." Then I'll wash her off, dress her, give her a drink of water, sing to her, put her down for her nighttime sleep, dress Sonny Ma-Jiminy, give Smoochy Girl another drink of water when she wakes, supervise Sonny Ma-Jiminy's Crazy Toothbrushing Fun, read him a story, sing to him, leave him for his nighttime sleep, give Smoochy Girl another drink of water when she wakes again and then I'll say, "Whew, I'm glad that's over."

Then I'll make myself a cup of something and sit down to blog. I won't even think about the Poointhebath again until Hubs goes to have a shower hours later and shouts, "What in the name of ...?" Then I'll think, "Ah yes. I remember."

I can be minding my own business and step on a piece of half-chewed apple at, say, 4:00pm and forget to put it in the bin until Next Monday.

But sometimes your memory lapses can provide you with interesting experiments that you wouldn't have the guts to do deliberately. Take my credit card.

When I first got my current credit card, I put it in my front jeans pocket, forgot about it and sat down. It got bent. I had trouble getting it to work for a few days, and for a while I thought I'd need to get a replacement. But it came good again, and worked well since.

I cannot count the number of times since then I have forgotten it's in my pocket and put it through the wash. Now that I have two kids with me when I go to the shops, I really don't want a handbag continually slipping off my shoulder. So all I take with me is my two kids in my arms and my credit card in my back pocket. It works well, but I never remember to put the card back in my purse, so it goes through the wash. Often. The signature washed off ages ago, so I've had to present my Driver's License for about a year so they can verify my signature.

But this morning I thought it was dead. I'd accidentally put it through the wash AND ALSO THROUGH THE DRYER. It came out different: for a start, the slight bend was gone (healed!) and the raised numbers were now not-very-raised-at-all. Also the whole card had a weird colour to it. I assumed this was the effect of tumbling about for an hour on the hot setting.

I decided to give it a go at the shops before cutting it up and ordering a new one (probably not in that order). AND IT WORKED! Amazing.

The same cannot be said for our car's Keyless Entry remote. It went through the wash once with no negative effects, but twice is a different story. It's dead.