22 April 2008

Motherhood has Changed Me

Motherhood has changed me. Before I became a mother, I was the sort of person who would cautiously nibble the toes off a gingerbread man first. Now that I'm a mother, the first thing I do is maul the head off. I like to hear it crack.

When listening to somebody expressing wildly ill-informed views, I used to think, "Well, even though I disagree, I think that perhaps there is some truth to what you're blah blah blah..." Now I simply nod my head, smile, and think to myself, "You, Sir, are an idiot." And after I have another child or two, I might just say it out loud.

Most Mums talk about losing their memory and clarity of thought. I was never very Clear Of Thought at the best of times, but nowadays, I find that all my mental notes have been erased before I've had a chance to act on them.

If Smoochy Girl does a poo in the bath, I'll make a mental note: "Deal With Poointhebath." Then I'll wash her off, dress her, give her a drink of water, sing to her, put her down for her nighttime sleep, dress Sonny Ma-Jiminy, give Smoochy Girl another drink of water when she wakes, supervise Sonny Ma-Jiminy's Crazy Toothbrushing Fun, read him a story, sing to him, leave him for his nighttime sleep, give Smoochy Girl another drink of water when she wakes again and then I'll say, "Whew, I'm glad that's over."

Then I'll make myself a cup of something and sit down to blog. I won't even think about the Poointhebath again until Hubs goes to have a shower hours later and shouts, "What in the name of ...?" Then I'll think, "Ah yes. I remember."

I can be minding my own business and step on a piece of half-chewed apple at, say, 4:00pm and forget to put it in the bin until Next Monday.

But sometimes your memory lapses can provide you with interesting experiments that you wouldn't have the guts to do deliberately. Take my credit card.

When I first got my current credit card, I put it in my front jeans pocket, forgot about it and sat down. It got bent. I had trouble getting it to work for a few days, and for a while I thought I'd need to get a replacement. But it came good again, and worked well since.

I cannot count the number of times since then I have forgotten it's in my pocket and put it through the wash. Now that I have two kids with me when I go to the shops, I really don't want a handbag continually slipping off my shoulder. So all I take with me is my two kids in my arms and my credit card in my back pocket. It works well, but I never remember to put the card back in my purse, so it goes through the wash. Often. The signature washed off ages ago, so I've had to present my Driver's License for about a year so they can verify my signature.

But this morning I thought it was dead. I'd accidentally put it through the wash AND ALSO THROUGH THE DRYER. It came out different: for a start, the slight bend was gone (healed!) and the raised numbers were now not-very-raised-at-all. Also the whole card had a weird colour to it. I assumed this was the effect of tumbling about for an hour on the hot setting.

I decided to give it a go at the shops before cutting it up and ordering a new one (probably not in that order). AND IT WORKED! Amazing.

The same cannot be said for our car's Keyless Entry remote. It went through the wash once with no negative effects, but twice is a different story. It's dead.


Anonymous said...

Wow. I'm not so certain about the concept of having kids now (although they would be a good excuse for the state of the house!).

However, at least the acceptable wardrobe allows for a back pocket. Have you ever seen dressy slacks or skirts with a back pocket? OK, so I work from home and can dress down mostly. Unfortunately, when I go out (and need to take things with me) I am inevitably in sleek, dressy 'work clothes' that are lucky if they have any pockets at all. And I'm also likely to have two armfuls of files, letters to post, notepad, diary, and other miscellaneous junk that won't fit in my bag anyway.

Yeah for the motherhood wardrobe!


Anonymous said...

I am not a mother & already have a terrible memory (I blame it on working in so many different places each week). If I ever have children then I really will be in trouble.....
Keep smiling,
Dani (I decided to unlurk for a change)

mommastantrum said...

I have not washed a credit card or keys, as I carry the giant handbag of doom. But I have washed many a black Sharpie permanant pen, crayons, money, checks, and a pocket knife. All since becoming a mommy.

A permanant pen ruins everything in the load, crayons well...the items can be rescued but it takes work, the money is usually cleaner, the checks are a total loss and a pocket knife gives you shredded rags for cleaning the house!!

Isn't it funny how your once tack sharp mind is dull and cloudy? I am glad though that I am not alone in this, and you know scientists have a label for this, its called "momnesia"!!

Anonymous said...

When showing some friends through our partially constructed new house, our friend showed my 4 year old boy a wad of large nails on the ground which had come from a nail gun. The friend encouraged my boy to keep them as they may "come in handy".

At home, 4 year old inserted some of the nails in a "spud gun" (a toy that can be loaded with raw potato) and it worked as a low velocity nail gun.

But the rest of the nails?

Washing machine.

Anonymous said...

The other thing you mums need to remember is that fishing odd things out of the washing machine doesn't have to be child related (or the effects of having children on the mother's brain related).

Hubby is a tradesman, and uses his pockets as a 'mobile office & tool belt'. He is VERY good at checking his pockets, but every now and then there's something we both miss. Screws, coinage, folded notes (thank goodness Australia has plastic money!) odd brackets and whatsa-ma-thingimies. Thankfully never car keys or cheques.

We have a deal that what the washer-woman finds the washer-woman keeps - but he's welcome to have the hardware shop back!!!

I love the fact that your credit card has survived. I think I remember from science at school that plastic has a 'memory', so will go back to flat if heated. I've used it a couple of times heating leftovers in the microwave and forgetting to undo the lid. (Can I just say I have no kids, so therefore no excuse!) The lid went out of shape, so I put some water in it and heated it again and voila - perfectly good lid!!


Givinya De Elba said...

Oooh, thanks for that Jen. Nifty ideas for when you ruin plastic, and a reassurance that even if I didn't have my cherubs I'd still be going through it - so no need to feel cranky at the cheeky little monkies.

So wonderful to hear from you Dani! Thanks for unlurking; it's great to hear from friends!!