25 April 2008

Celebrity Chefs don't even know they've got it good.

Well another day is nearly over and dinner has again been an unmitigated disaster. I put a lot of effort into this one. Shame. I love cooking.

I can't help feeling that I'd have more success if I cooked under Test Kitchen Conditions. Television chefs make me green with envy.

It's all set up for them – the ingredients are complete, fresh, pre-prepared and presented in neat little glass bowls. Their kitchens are clean and all the utensils they need are at hand. If it all goes to pot there's 'one we prepared earlier' waiting in the oven (which actually works!) to be presented. Heck – somebody's even on hand to make sure their MAKEUP IS PERFECT. Pah.

My kitchen on the other hand, is a
Double-Dare Culinary/Parenthood Challenge Experiment.
I made that term up. Using a Thesaurus.

Here are a few of my challenges:

Sonny Ma-Jiminy:

  • I don’t want dinner
  • I don’t like dinner
  • I only want a lolly
  • I think I will be able to eat dinner now
  • Can I have a lolly before dinner
  • I really really want dinner right NOW
  • Is it ready NOW
  • Can you make it ready NOW
  • I did a wee Mummy.
  • And a poo.

Smoochy Girl:

  • I don't want to be held
  • I don't want to be put down
  • I want to play with something
  • Not that
  • Not that either, guess what I want
  • I don't want anything, trick question Mummy
  • Hold me now
  • No don’t hold me: can't you remember I don't want to be held
  • I don't want to be put down either
  • Feed me right NOW
  • Don't feed me THAT
  • Oh I give up just give me a glass of water instead

Environmental challenges:

  • plastic ping-pong balls rolling on the floor
  • oranges rolling on the floor
  • onions rolling on the floor
  • onion skin being peeled all over the floor
  • toys to trip over
  • saucepans to trip over
  • bowls to trip over
  • containers to trip over
  • Smoochy Girl to trip over
  • *squash* what on earth is THAT between my toes
  • required utensils are lost/being played with/dirty
  • dinner is not quite ready yet the children are climbing the walls to be fed, bathed and put into bed
  • serve up dinner even though the meat isn't quite cooked, the potatoes aren't quite cooked, and the pumpkin is still rather raw in the middle

I think I’d better stop typing up that list. I can feel my blood pressure rising. Instead I will post some pictures of my recent culinary delights being enjoyed by our willing taster.

Puppity Doggity tasting a new recipe called 'Ham, Zucchini and Carrot Fritters Without The Carrot'. I thought we had a fridge full of carrots but we actually had, in round figures, none. Zero. As far as figures go, you can't get rounder than that. Forgetting the main ingredient (rice) was the reason Puppity Doggity ended up eating Attempt #1.

Puppity Doggity sampling "Bleating Roast Lamb" which was served up far too early under intense pressure from both children who wanted to be fed Now-Now-Now-Now-NOW!
Puppity Doggity testing "Gravy Of Doom." I see it as punishment for her recent naughtiness.


mommastantrum said...

Please do not forget these comments (as per Bacon Bits)
- I already ATE DINNER

My suggestion, fill the freezer with premade dinners - leftovers from dinners you've already had - for the kids that can be heated in the microwave (please tell me you have one) and save the good stuff for you and Hubs. That way dinners can be more relaxing and peaceful. And prep can be quiet while the munchkins eat.

Or you can stock up on fish sticks, hot dogs and nuggets until they are 42. Then they can be full of crap until then and you can eat normally without too much stress.

Givinya De Elba said...

I like the sound of eating normally without too much stress. It has pre-children connotations.

What's with "I already ATE DINNER"? Does BB say this when he has already eaten dinner? Or had one mouthful and deemed it sufficient? Poor Mommy - she cooks dinner and would rather hear, "It's delicious" or something. Ah well.

Becky said...

Sounds like my arsnic hour... the exception being my kids are just about killing each other!!

As for the " I cant like it" That is my son's first response to EVERY dinner *rollseyes*

The Joys of toddlers!

Anonymous said...

I saw Jamie Oliver (celebrity chef) admit in an interview that it's often toasted sandwiches at his house for dinner.

And with two little kids, I reckon he knows a bit about Parental Kitchen Rage.

Givinya De Elba said...

I nearly wrote about Jamie in this post. I tried to imagine what Jamie was cooking at work under what conditions, and then cutting to Jooles at home with the kids ...

I couldn't get the ideas to gel though.