Phone Call to Pizza Capers

She sounds perky. “Hi! Thanks for calling Pizza Capers! I know what you’re thinking, not one of those annoying computers! But we’ll get through this together.”

M’kaaay.

“For Brisbane, press 1. For the Gold Coast, press 2. For the Sunshine Coast, press 3. To listen to these options again, press 7.”

I panic. I want none of those options. What do I press? Perhaps I press 1 for Brisbane. That’s the closest.

“For Brisbane North, press 1. For Brisbane South, press 2. For Brisbane East, press 3. For Brisbane West, Press 4. Please hold to hear these options again.”

Oh no. Again – none of those options is what I want. I hesitate.

“You have not made a menu selection. For Brisbane North, press 1. For Brisbane South, press 2. For Brisbane East, press 3. For Brisbane West, Press 4. Please hold to hear these options again.”

Perhaps we’ll go with Brisbane West. It’s the closest, I guess.

“For Inner West, press 1...” surely there’s not another menu? “...for Outer West, press 2. For Ipswich, press 3. Please hold to hear these options again. Press ‘star’ to return to a previous menu. Press 7 to return to the main menu.”

Finally, an option I feel safe with. I press 1.

“For Yamanto, press 1. For North Ipswich, press 2. For Redbank Plains, press 3.”

And although I am relieved to make the final selection and press the number that connects me to a real store close to my home, it’s overshadowed by a touch of embarrassment when I see on the BACK of the brochure is a list of all stores with their direct numbers listed.