18 September 2008

Outwitting The Poo Police

There is one thing I never ever want to do.

They tell me I SHOULD do it. They tell me I will get in trouble if I DON'T do it.

But I never EVER want to do it.


I just blanch at the thought of picking up my dog's poo in a plastic bag, and walking around with it.

It is one of the reasons I exercise Puppity Doggity by playing "Fetch" in the back yard and never take her out for walks. I just can't bear the thought of picking up the... ergh.

I want to tell you about a great idea I have had, an idea that should preclude me from ever having to pick up Puppity Doggity's poo in a plastic bag, and carry it home. Here's my idea.

Tell me: How many plastic bags would a reasonable person expect a dog-owner to carry with them on a walk? How many bags of poo would it be reasonable to see tied to the dog's lead? A rough guess?

I am thinking three. Nobody should really expect a dog-owner to take more than three plastic baggies with them on a walk, right?

And once each of those three bags is filled and tied to the lead, dangling down as a visible badge of responsible dog ownership, nobody should expect that if the dog hunches a fourth time in order to become considerably lighter, that the hapless dog owner should fill a fourth bag, and tie it onto the lead alongside the other three.


So my plan is simple. Before I take Puppity Doggity for a walk, I will take three plastic baggies and into each I will place a wet, brown sock. I will tie each one onto the lead, and then head off.

If she should stop and hunch over, and if we should be observed (by the Poo Police, I assume,) all I have to do is visibly admonish Puppity, gesture towards the three already-filled baggies hanging from the lead, and throw my hands up in dismay. And off we'll go.

No reasonable observer could be unhappy with that, could they?


Crazy Sister said...

Brilliant idea! You could market that. I love the idea of miming for any audience who might be there.

Do you think it would work with nappy bags hanging from the stroller? "Sorry he pooed on the footpath, but as you can see, I'm full up."

Swift Jan said...

you guys crack me up!

Check this out! Mr de Elba will be able to use his new iPhone & walk the dag at the same time!! hehehehe


Jen said...

That is an awesome idea. I love it. I would so do that if I had a dog. LMAO!!
Very creative and you sister is right, brilliant!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Wow... that's pretty clever... you are quite the subversive operative!

Britt said...

This really makes me giggle .. and I think it's pure genius!

Hippomanic Jen said...

Great idea, yesterday the LBD did the HUGEST dump ever. Honestly, it must have been 1/2 a kilo... at least... and this on top of about 3 litres of liquid.

I forsee only one small problem. I have not been able to find brown socks. I wear alot of chocolate coloured clothes, but cannot find socks to match (particularly wool ones to keep my feet warm, but any at all are very difficult to find).

tinsenpup said...

I've long suspected that you were a genius. I should have known that you would use your powers for evil instead of good. :)

Givinya De Elba said...


Mum-me said...

Well if you can't find brown socks you could always empty a nappy into the bag ..... at least it's not dog poo but something you are used to cleaning up every day.

I just re-read that and realise how gross it sounds.

Joy in the Burbs... said...

That's why I have a little dog! Little dog...little poop.
I have met most of my neighbors while holding a bag of poop. I love your idea of the incognito poo. I am the Poo Police in my neighborhood. There is one repeat offender that really gets on my nerves. haha.

Heather of the EO said...


Heather said...

This is the one reason why we haven't gotten a dog. Scooping up dog poop. I cannot, cannot, CANNOT abide the smell of dog poop. Baby poop, barn animal poop, heck, even grown-man-after-eating-nachos-with-chili poop, I can take with nary a blink. But dog poop? EEEEEK!

Kiddo really, really, really wants a dog. I'm going to have to get over this issue at some point soon, I suspect, as she's wearing Hubby down with her constant yet adorable entreaties. (No, I do not expect at all that she, at the age of not-yet-6, will scoop poop even if it is "her" dog, much as I'm the one who feeds HER fish and cleans HER fishy's tank as well.)

This is all to say, I've got brown socks. I'm liking this plan. Mwah ha ha!!!

Leslie said...

I've just had to put up with obnoxious neighbour tossing his dog poos from his huge dog, over the fence into my back lawn.

When I went over to speak to him in person, he didn't answer the door, so I called them and left a sweet sounding message, talking very politely, on their machine, while standing on their front porch and looking in through their screen door.

Next thing, his pyschotic wife is hammering on my front door and yelling, and then goes through my gate, and starts hammering and yelling on my back glass sliding door.

Um, I sent my sons round, aged 17 and 20, to speak to her.

Dog poos... oh dear... I'm sure we all have stories.

Dee said...

I must be lucky, in all the 14 years of my cattle dogs life, he NEVER poo'd while out on a walk. I never let him. He could have a sniff at things and a leak, but if he tried to poo, I'd check him and we'd be off.

The trick is to feed at night before bed, and thats it. Dogs don't need more than one feed a day, really. Dont think I am preaching here, 'cause I'm not, just saying. Your post is funny and I am soo glad he did Never poo, cause I hate the thought of picking up a warm soft poo too.

Louisa said...

I've got to say that this is one (of the many) reasons I opted for a cat and not a dog! Love your sneaky approach though ;)