03 September 2008

Olympic Sports that Baffle Me - Modern Pentathlon

I'm not sure what I thought the pentathlon involved - I suppose I guessed it would have involved five fairly similar sports (like the triathlon: swimming, cycling and running.)

But the modern pentathlon? Five of the most random sports I could have picked out of a hat while blindfolded: épée fencing, pistol shooting, 200m freestyle swimming, show jumping (on horseback) and a 3km cross-country run.

I would have said that there was nobody in the world who would be good at all five of those disciplines, but apparently there are!

And why are those five chosen? I found out from Wikipedia that it's because it simulates the experience of a 19th century cavalry soldier behind enemy lines: riding an unfamiliar horse, fighting with pistol and sword, swimming, and running.

I'd like to see athletes train in various disciplines that simulate MY experience in day-to-day life. My events would be:

1. Synchronized Dirty Nappy Change (two dirty bottoms side-by-side)
2. Slalom Kitchen Sweeping
3. The 3-Basket Laundry-Folding Marathon
4. Artistic Grocery Shopping (yeah, that doesn't even make sense)
5. Culinary Weightlifting (cooking with children in arms.)
What disciplines would a pentathlon involve if it was to simulate YOUR life?


Crazy Sister said...

1. The Carry-and-Catch: chase something small, fast and disobedient while carrying weighted bags
2. The Triple Concentrate: Conduct a business phonecall while rescuing one stupid child and searching for one suspiciously silent child
3. The Quality Time Challenge: 14 hours of domestic duty followed by Bow Chicka Wow Wow
4. The Catastrophe Challenge: dig a large hole, scrape a water pipe with the shovel but DON'T break it
5. Follow the Tangent: bolster a new talker's confidence by understanding exactly what the little tyke is talking about.

BeckaP said...

Firstly I have to say, Crazy Sister, I was almost wetting myself laughing at your no. 3 - 'The Quality Time Challenge'.

I don't have five contributions but I would include -

1. Duck, weave & barge: negotiating peak hour trains in Sydney with a toddler and the associated baggage (ie. pram, back pack, Mummy's handbag)

2. Home Hazard Hurdle: making it around the house (during the week in particular - the hours left to clean on weekdays are alarmingly small) without breaking limbs or various assorted items that should NOT be on the floor.

3. Toddler Tantrum Tussle: Attempting to negotiate and eventually lending yourself to pinning your child to the chair/floor on a train when they refuse to listen to you and risk being injured in the throes of said tantrum. * Note - no child abuse involved.

Jen said...

Ok so that is very funny. I love it. I think that mine would involve much of the same as yours just a few more dirty bottoms and laundry baskets.
And where do they come up with these things. I didn't even know that that sport existed.

Mrs. Tantrum said...

Oh, I have a couple...
1. no one wants to see that - convince a 4 year old to put on his pants while on an important phone call, or seconds before guests arrive despite a tantrum that "naked is best"
2. Blind Living Room Maze - walk through the living room strewn with toys at night barefoot searching for advil without puncturing your foot with Thomas the Tank Engine.
3. How many times - how many times can one say 'stop licking that' 'because I said so' and other tried and true mother phrases in the course of a day with a rabid toddler while running errands!

Tracy P. said...

Ditto beckap's comment to Crazy Sister about the Quality Time Challenge! I'm dying over here!

This is all just hilarious. I don't know what my events would be but they would most likely revolve around balancing and juggling these days!

Swift Jan said...

LOL @ Crazy sister....

1. typing whilst cuddling challenge: type with one hand whilst holding wriggling cuddle wanting child in the other!
2. The Volume Challange: See which member of the family has to yell the loudest to be heard and taken notice of...
3. Shower race: See how quickly you can jump through the shower before being harrassed by curious children.
4.The washing basket balance:
Carry the freshly washed basket of washing that is piled far too high with clothes, without dropping any undies or socks down the side of the staircase into the unkept weedy garden!
5.Artistic Rainy Days: Keep children happy and amused, without losing your mind whilst having to stay inside all day.

the sits girls said...

We like your category choices! That would be so much fun to see athletes doing. Interesting info on the pentathlon, the history on it is so interesting!

Hippomanic Jen said...

Just a question:
If it's based on a 19th century cavalry officer, do you have to swim the 200m in full uniform with accoutrements (including sabre, boots and a funny hat)? Do you have to pass inspection at the end of it?

I'd pay to see that.

Hippomanic Jen said...

PS, you are all hilarious.

Mum-me said...

1) The Mad Morning Dash (getting everyone off to school/work/pre-school on time.
2) The Toddler into Trolley Wrestling Challenge. Whoever gets their toddler into the trolley seat with the most smooth technique, whilst causing the least amount of squaking, is the winner.
3) The Toddler Vs Nap Power Struggle. The winner is whoever makes the other break down and cry first.
4) The Quickly-wake-the-toddler-in-time-to-get-to-school-to-pick-the-other-children-up Sprint. Points deducted for causing the toddler to throw a tantrum, forgetting the ballet outfit, getting to school late or failing to find a legal parking spot.
5) And the Homework Hassle. (No explanation necessary.)