Killing a Fly with a Ukulele: In my own personal Magistrates Court

I am the Mum.
If life was a circus, I would be the plate-juggling lady with monkeys on her shoulders who stands on one leg on a horse's back as it canters around the ring.

I am the Writer.
I use too many commas, dashes and dot-dot-dots, and I often start sentences with conjunctions because I like my blog to look the way it sounds in my mind.

I am the Hero.
Life is a bit like a superhero action comic, except that the superheroes are tiny children dressed in super-suits who possess no actual powers, while I just get them food, break up fights and clean their super-suits.

10 September 2008

In my own personal Magistrates Court

Defendant: Sonny Ma-Jiminy

Offence: Harassment of your mother involving whining at her All. Day. Long.

Plea: Guilty.

Sentence:

Defendant: Sonny Ma-Jiminy

Offence: Grievous body-slamming of Smoochy Girl occasioning screaming.

Plea: Guilty.

Sentence:

Defendant: Sonny Ma-Jiminy

Offence: Theft of toys from Smoochy Girl occasioning screaming.

Plea: Guilty.

Sentence:

Defendant: Sonny Ma-Jiminy

Offence: Wilful destruction of a favourite mobile. Defence: "Smoochy liked it - she laughed when I did it".

Plea: Guilty.

Sentence:

Sigh. But I guess we can't go and visit Constable-Uncle Crazy every day of the week for a look inside his paddy wagon.

7 comments:

Jen said...: That was an awesome post. I am totally cracking up. I just have one question, does he understand the seriousness of the crime? One of these days he will ;); 10 September, 2008 10:53
Heather of the EO said...: I honestly try never to do this, but it's just too similar for me not to share:
http://theextraordinaryordinary.blogspot.com/2008/08/national-night-out-gone-wrong.html

I don't even know if you'll be able to click on it, cause i've never done the linking to a post thing before.

It's just that your boy and my boy both look so eerily similar in the sense of adult/doing what they would do if they were actually in a police car, it's just too funny...; 10 September, 2008 11:12
Swift Jan said...: great post!
I bet you had hoped uncle Crazy would have locked the door... mwahahahaha; 10 September, 2008 12:10
Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional said...: Hilarious! Next time, slam that door and RUN!!! lol; 10 September, 2008 12:13
Tracy P. said...: Throw the book at him and lock him up, I say. Poor Smoochy Girl! (Who I'm sure is learning to milk it for all it's worth.); 10 September, 2008 13:02
Allegro ma non troppo said...: May I just say my husband's rear looks especially fine in this shot.

Oooooooh uniforms. Mmm mmm.; 10 September, 2008 20:22
Nauntie Lush said...: I want an uncle who is a police officer (especially one with a hot rear) who can put my child in a police car. Especially after last night...when he again screamed at me that he hated me and does not love me and wants a new momma. I think a little bit in the paddy wagon would cure that for sure!; 11 September, 2008 00:54

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(Click the links below for my Post Labels)

This is the story of me, Givinya de Elba, and my adventures with Mr de Elba, my children Buzz, Jessie, and Woody and our dog, Bullseye. We have plenty of good times, some weird times and a huge dose of drama.

Some of my posts are sad, lots are funny and sometimes I subject you to my pondering. We have our celebrations, when I write a decent poem I share it with you and when I'm held hostage, I do the occasional meme.

Other people who are special to me feature here too, some of them being my Dad, my Mum, my Crazy Sister (her blog), my Wee Brother and my good friend Hippomanic Jen (her blog).

I am a part-time speech pathologist, and try to cook, keep a garden alive and take photos that don’t make us look like we are pharmaceutically affected or dangerously homicidal.

I often suffer from Mumfail but I keep hanging on to the One who picks me up when I fall. If you email me, I’ll answer.

And if all that is too much, just read my “Best Of."

No, they didn't.

They called me Katherine.

I go by Kate.

I came up with the pseudonym Givinya de Elba in highschool and it was based on a joke from an episode of Dad's Army called 'A Soldier's Farewell.'

In the episode, after eating too much toasted cheese, Captain Mainwaring dreams he is Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo. I don't remember much about the episode other than Mainwaring telling his loyal men (Jones, Pike and Godfrey) that he has been exiled to the island of Elba.

Jones quips, "Hence the expression - Givin' ya the Elber!" (giving you the elbow, i.e., pushing you around.) I thought that Givinya de Elba was a half-decent pseudonym for someone who likes to joke and push people around, and I stuck with that.

My sweet niece ...

10 September 2008

In my own personal Magistrates Court

7 comments: