Killing a Fly with a Ukulele: Conversation with a Two Year Old

I am the Mum.
If life was a circus, I would be the plate-juggling lady with monkeys on her shoulders who stands on one leg on a horse's back as it canters around the ring.

I am the Writer.
I use too many commas, dashes and dot-dot-dots, and I often start sentences with conjunctions because I like my blog to look the way it sounds in my mind.

I am the Hero.
Life is a bit like a superhero action comic, except that the superheroes are tiny children dressed in super-suits who possess no actual powers, while I just get them food, break up fights and clean their super-suits.

20 June 2009

Conversation with a Two Year Old

2yo: Mummy, What's datt?

Me: It's the basket for the cutle-

2yo: Mummy, What's datt?

Me: It's the dishwasher baske-

2yo: Mummy, What's datt?

Me: It's the -

2yo: Mummy, What's datt?

Me: SWEETHEART, LISTEN, it's for the cutler-

2yo: Mummy, What's datt?

Me: A meat pie.

2yo: (pause) Meat pie?

4 comments:

Swift Jan said...: Teehee... why exactly is it that they dont wait for the answer?; 20 June, 2009 13:04
CynthiaK said...: That made me giggle. :); 20 June, 2009 13:30
Nauntie Lush said...: I do this to Bacon...it stops the annoying line of questioning from my future constable immediately. I just hope that this doesn't derail him in his career pursuit of that when a junkie yells "DIRTY TACO" on the side of the road someday!; 21 June, 2009 07:39
Nanc Twop said...: LOL

and a joke for today

'Your 1st Baby,
Your 2nd Baby,
Your 3rd Baby...'
---------------
1st baby: At first sign of a whimper, you cuddle.
2nd You pick her up when crys threaten to wake others.
3rd You teach the 3-yr-old to rewind the mechanical swing.
---------------
1st If the pacifier falls on the floor, you boil it.
2nd You rinse it w/ juice from baby's bottle.
3rd You wipe it off on your knee, pop it back in.
---------------
1st You change their diaper hourly .
2nd You change'm every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd You wait til you see it sagging to their knees.
---------------
1st You take him to BabyGym, BabyArt, & StoryHour.
2nd You take your infant to Mommy & Me.
3rd You take baby to the market and the cleaners.
---------------
1st First time w/ a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd You leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd Your instructions: call only if she sees blood.
---------------
1st You spend hours just gazing at the baby.
2nd You make sure toddler doesn't poke baby.
3rd You spend a bit of every day hiding from the kids.
---------------
1st Baby1 swallows a coin, you rush to hospital.
2nd child swallows a coin? You wait for coin to pass.
3rd child does it, you deduct it from his allowance.; 21 June, 2009 12:47

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This is the story of me, Givinya de Elba, and my adventures with Mr de Elba, my children Buzz, Jessie, and Woody and our dog, Bullseye. We have plenty of good times, some weird times and a huge dose of drama.

Some of my posts are sad, lots are funny and sometimes I subject you to my pondering. We have our celebrations, when I write a decent poem I share it with you and when I'm held hostage, I do the occasional meme.

Other people who are special to me feature here too, some of them being my Dad, my Mum, my Crazy Sister (her blog), my Wee Brother and my good friend Hippomanic Jen (her blog).

I am a part-time speech pathologist, and try to cook, keep a garden alive and take photos that don’t make us look like we are pharmaceutically affected or dangerously homicidal.

I often suffer from Mumfail but I keep hanging on to the One who picks me up when I fall. If you email me, I’ll answer.

And if all that is too much, just read my “Best Of."

No, they didn't.

They called me Katherine.

I go by Kate.

I came up with the pseudonym Givinya de Elba in highschool and it was based on a joke from an episode of Dad's Army called 'A Soldier's Farewell.'

In the episode, after eating too much toasted cheese, Captain Mainwaring dreams he is Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo. I don't remember much about the episode other than Mainwaring telling his loyal men (Jones, Pike and Godfrey) that he has been exiled to the island of Elba.

Jones quips, "Hence the expression - Givin' ya the Elber!" (giving you the elbow, i.e., pushing you around.) I thought that Givinya de Elba was a half-decent pseudonym for someone who likes to joke and push people around, and I stuck with that.

My sweet niece ...

20 June 2009

Conversation with a Two Year Old

4 comments: