19 June 2009

The Good News is it's DEFINITELY Bad News

Sometimes it's easier to definitely know that it's bad news, than to wonder if you need to worry in the first place.

Did you read YESTERDAY? If not, you're going to need to if you want to wade through TODAY.

Today I saw the obstetrician at the hospital. Here is what I learned, and what I achieved today:

I learned from the obstetrician that there is no other way to birth this baby - if I attempt to deliver naturally, there is a 100% chance this baby will die. He said, "I'm sorry, but your decision is taken away from you." In a funny sort of way, it was good to know I will never look back and wish I'd tried this one naturally.

I learned the same from a very sympathetic, very natural-birth-oriented midwife. Having someone as natural-birth as I am saying -again- there is no other way to birth Thingamababy and the decision is taken away from me helped me realise it's not a case of Surgical Cowboys vs. Natural-Birth Midwives. It's real. That will help me accept it. And it's okay.

I cried like crazy in front of the obstetrician. He said, "You will have a caesarean section. Your baby will be healthy and completely fine. And you will be happy." And strangely I found that comforting. I joked with him, "You're going to make me be happy?" And he reminded me he'd just told me that my blood pressure was 130/75, and I agreed with him: he did have the power to force me to be happy.

He also said that I needed to stop being upset because when I am upset, the baby is upset, and that's not good. Well, perhaps he doesn't quite get how things work in the world of hormones and hard times and disappearing dreams. But I liked his approach. He was like that because we get along well. And I think he knew that I was not going to stop being upset just because he told me to!

I cried like crazy in front of the midwife. She was terribly compassionate as I cried, and she said things like, "I am so sorry. I am very, very sorry. I know how desperately you wanted a natural birth. I had two natural births myself, and the very thought of a caesarean scares me!" And she seems to really understand, deep down, how I feel.

And although I liked the obstetrician's bossy style, the midwife's style was even better for me.

I got to chat through some of my birth plan issues with the midwife. I don't have to lose control over absolutely everything. Just 98% of things. That's all.

I am not on bed rest! (But thanks so much Jen for your email.) "Taking it easy" is a good idea, but there's no need for me to stop doing everything I do just yet. I am SO RELIEVED!

Then I had a jab of steroids to develop the baby's lungs more, and will have another tomorrow. This is so that if I find myself in the next few weeks somewhere -say- lying in a hammock quietly sipping an iced tea with a little cocktail umbrella in it, and all of a sudden -KAZAM- I suffer a massive bleed and can get to hospital quickly for an emergency caesarean, the baby's lungs will be more developed and he/she will be better prepared. (For the Toowoomba Winter, presumably.)

Because all of you know how I like my births to be all quick and spontaneous and exciting.

And I also had a blood test so they can be prepared in case I do suffer a massive life-threatening bleed and require an emergency blood transfusion.

So that's all sorted too.

Geez, I DO like having things all neat and tidy and prepared.

Sorry. If you can't hear that I am oozing Flippancy & Sarcasm here, perhaps you should be reading a different blog.

Hmm. Do you think they could give me a leetle bit of lipo around the tummy and hips while they're down there? Perhaps pump some 'Selleys No-More-Gaps' into the sacro-iliac joint?

Sorry. Can't help myself!

Thanks for the jokes, people! Keep them coming! Better give it a rest right after major abdominal surgery, but until that happens (when?) I'm good to laugh! I didn't even need the maternity pad. Perhaps having a c-section allows your 'birth virginity' to ... umm, grow back?

Sorry again! I cannot turn the Flippancy & Sarcasm off! Someone find the switch!


Femina said...

Having no choice means you don't have to second guess your 'decision', so I guess that's helpful. It also means that you won't, God forbid, find yourself at the other end of a tragedy and wish that you HADN'T tried this one naturally.

Still sucks, though, and you're still allowed to cry.

Givinya De Elba said...

You, along with all my lovely friends, speak the truth.

Sorry I need to hear it again and again and again. I just do. I'm a bit slow.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

♥ bfs~"Mimi" ♥ said...

This 'no choice' statement from the doctor AND the midwife sounds totally convincing. Sometimes accepting and moving on is the best. Tough, though it may be....

Givinya De Elba said...

It seemed to help, knowing there was no choice.

Mamma has spoken said...

Thank goodness you live in an area that you have the health care to know you have this issue so that both you and the baby will be fine in the end. I've never had a c-section but know many friends and relatives that have. The thing that the have told me that is wonderful is knowing the date and time of your delievery. Small upside but you take them where ever you can get them. I'll keep you and baby in my thoughts and prayers.

Givinya De Elba said...

Ah, well what is one person's upside is another person's downside. Still, small downside for the upside of having a live baby, hey?

Anonymous said...

Hey....smile a bit......I met someone when I was pregnant with my first ( before we had scans and things) who 'lost' 2 babies to placenta previa(at birth)....I also have another friend who, like you, found out in time that she was 'placenta previa'. Her daughter has just qualified as a doctor.
I too would be upset like you,it was bad enough that I had to be induced with my 2nd,(after 3 miscarriages) but I did get to choose his birth date!!... and a caesar is no joke.......butttt, have an epidural one and you will still be the first to hold the baby. I would be crying buckets too, but enjoy the rest while you can. accept all the help offered, because that's how people want to help............how would you have felt if you had gone in to labour not knowing. Awww shucks, its rotten luck..a big hug and I will try and find you some jokes for emailing.....this is from a grannie in the UK
love Anne.x

Anonymous said...

This baby will be 'Precious'....lol...does that go with the sirname!!!

Mrs. Tantrum said...

This is great. AND if you lived here in the US some doctors do perform LIPO after a C-Section, and will also do a tubal ligation whilst "already in there." I think that you may be right about the "birth virginity" thing...I mean it makes sense to me! I am just so happy that they figured this all out before Thingamababy got here! You are going to be holding such a BEAUTIFUL little Mr or Mrs DeElba in no time. Who cares what lady part they came out of? (Plus with abdominal surgery you get a little more rest...people will help you more because OH NO!! You have been opened up. :)

I miss you...and will hop in a kayak if you need me to!

Givinya De Elba said...

Holy Wow Mrs Tantrum - 'this is great' - tubal ligation - no matter which part the baby comes out from - enforced rest with other people managing MY house ... ? You speak of my hell as if it was your heaven. Slow down girl or your kayak will be met by convicts with guns!

(Kidding, but wow. I love that you loved your caesar, but ... "Crasticles" as my brother would say. Yes, he made up an expletive.)

Tracy P. said...

I missed yesterday! Because I was giving a birthday party for a girl who came into this world 8 years ago via c-section. Who had a one year old brother to greet her. Whose mother would have loved to take it easy after said c-section, but felt plenty fine to be juggling babies and laundry within a week.

A charming and beautiful girl, by the way, who makes me not give a lick about my poochy tummy.

P.S. What I don't recommend is 17+ hours of labor with no progress THEN followed by the c-section. Even so, it was not so bad reflecting on the bubbly sweet baby that came out of it. Just harder to bounce back from. The scheduled C is ever so much to be preferred!!!

Givinya De Elba said...

17 hours? You SuperWoman. It's just that my births are so quick and easy and .. totally exhilarating! I love the not-knowing regarding the day and the time, and I love the total Birth Woman experience.

I just love it.

I can't change my likes and dislikes so vastly to ever be able to prefer a caesar. But here's the thing ...

I am SO grateful that this baby can be saved from certain death...

I am SO grateful that this has a high chance of being a low-risk caesar in a clean hospital with awesome baby-centred policies...

I am SO grateful that chances are I will have the shortest and easiest recovery that a surgical birth could possibly offer, that ...

I am ACTUALLY PREPARED to put aside one of my DEAREST wishes in the entirety of LIFE (you only give birth a handful of times, I personally didn't want ANY of my births to end this way), to WALK into that hospital VOLUNTARILY on that day, and ALLOW them to take a scalpel and CUT this baby from me.

But you need to hear from my posts that although I will never say anything derogatory about anyone else's caesarean birth experiences, you have to understand that I really really really do not want to welcome my baby into the world except with a wail, and moan and a heave, and then to get straight back into the business of life.

That's just me.

Now please excuse me - I am off to the hospital again for a jab of steroids in the bum to develop Thingamababy's lungs. It's just something fun I'd planned for a Saturday morning! :)

Crazy Sister said...

I like the sound of your obstetrician and midwife!

Tracy P. said...

Oh, so sorry if I came across as to convince you c-sections are superior. I didn't have them by choice. (The second one was due in a roundabout way to a nurses strike.) Just to let you know the recovery is (hopefully!) not as daunting as it may sound. No guarantees. And you don't sound ungrateful. I'm super glad you're working with understanding professionals.

Givinya De Elba said...

Oh everyone, I am sorry for my over-firm, hormone-influenced comment up there.

Thankyou all for your encouragements.

Tracy (above) and I have had an email conversation about all this and I said that I realise that my little whinge (okay, so I'm freaked-out, but we'll call it "a little whinge") is about the loss of a "first-world" dream.

Women in the third world simply dream to deliver a live baby who may have enough breastmilk and food to survive.

I have wondered if I should keep my silly dream a secret but I decided in the end that the whole thing has put me in such a spin, I'd blog it out and work through it til I get to a more accepting and thankful viewpoint. Will you travel with me? Sorry about my whinging along the way.

A thought: I wonder how many third-world mothers will deliever a baby on the same day I do? How many babies will survive? How many mothers might die in child birth?

I'll focus on that for a bit.