12 July 2008

More Crazy Google Searches

Well Well Well. You guys are some of the unluckiest Googlers out there. The weird hits keep coming thanks to the world's favourite search engine, and I can only assume that disappointment reigns when you land on my blog, hoping instead for serious and helpful information.

I feel sad for you. I feel so sad that I have decided, as a community service, to offer you information on the topic you Googled, hoping that it will help you more than the blog posts you arrived at here at Killing A Fly. And so here we go.

what's good and what's bad about ukulele - According to a few of my friends, the bad aspect of the ukulele is its music and the good aspect is its perfect size, shape and balance for killing flies. I had reported in this post that nobody I knew of had actually killed a fly with a ukulele. But Crazy Sister informed me recently that she had, in fact, grabbed the nearest object to swat with when she saw a fly in her music room one day, and after the vile insect was dispatched, she saw that the object was in truth her ukulele. It could only happen to her.

french onion dip style guide - Are you kidding me? Who Googles this sort of thing? There is a STYLE GUIDE for French Onion Dip? Curiouser and curiouser. If you need tips on how to eat French Onion Dip with STYLE, I would say load up a cracker, nibble it delicately while pretending your conversation partner is terribly interesting and doesn't have spinach dip caught in their teeth, and whatever you do, wear some costume bling. You can't get more French-Oniony Style than that.

weet growing - I am not agricultural so you're on your own with that one. My only tip is that if you spell "wheat" the traditional way, you probably won't end up at a blog post about a one-year-old who has a picture of an Australian Cricketer on the wall beside her highchair.

ukulele pin up - Whatever gives you a buzz. Yet another poor Googler ends up at Smoochy Girl and her Australian cricketer.

what is killing the strawberries? - if you read the post you landed in, you will have learned that it was a car trip with Mr de Elba driving.

this is my life gasolin ukulele - one of the more disturbing Google searches. It sounds like you were reviewing your life or it was flashing before your eyes. Please don't put the gasoline in the ukulele. Put the ukulele down. Go and get some help. Or read my blog - it will zonk you out totally.

chicken money - Serious?! I thought I was the only person who had ever Googled those two words together. I was totally shocked to see that my search actually yielded results!

kindy sheets - I am very sorry that you too are in a position where you're Googling "kindy sheets." I feel your pain. I got a friend to sew mine.

paul hester - I knew it! I knew that as soon as I posted my blog about Why I Didn't Know Paul Hester Died that people from his estate would be onto me, demanding I stop using his memory for my own superficial purposes!

bad mum blog - Tell me you're kidding. Please. But first tell me if you wanted to find a bad blog about being a Mum or a blog about a bad Mum. Either way, I'm not happy!

sonny that will never fly - funny thing - Mr de Elba has been away on a camp for a week (bed bugs triumphantly ABSENT from campsite and returning bedding!) and Sonny Ma-Jiminy has demanded Mr de Elba "fly him around" by holding Sonny horizontally and zooming him around the house. That was an hour ago. Now - both are fast asleep.

giveaway, awesome giveaway, ukulele giveaway, giveaway tree - Bet you're glad you came to my site! iPods dropping off the tree into the sandpit that doesn't yet exist! Whoo! Oh no, wait - it's just seed pods.

bedbug bites when does it happen and where - When? When you're in bed. And where? the next Google search will tell you specifically where ...

belly button bed bug bite - Ew. Not good.

great fly killing games - You what?!? Great fly-killing games? In the spirit of this post, I'd love to offer you the advice you sadly missed out on, but I cannot think of one "game" that could possibly involve killing flies. Would my loyal reading public be so kind as to leave a suggestion or two in the comments?

ladies ukulele dress - Doesn't exist. There's no such thing. Couldn't be.

toothbrushing mirror cling - Google search terms getting weirder.

visitor paths hits wrong - And weirder.

bubbity - I am finding it hard to imagine how to respond to any of them.

kill a fly with a ukulele - At least now I know why these Google Searches ended up at my blog!

a fly on a grle s nose - Google didn't know what to do with them either! And decided Killing A Fly was as good as any other place to send them!


Anonymous said...

Thankyou so much for blogging. I've been checking the site too often as a work avoidance technique, and it was good to get something amusing to end the day (yes, my project is now finished - as is yours obviously).

As far as games that involve killing flies - no idea. But we used to have a nightly game involving swatting mosquitos in the bedroom before lights out. It was very energetic - like squash (raquetball?). For some reason we had a mutant, spray-resistant, unkillable mossie colony in our (screened) house. Eventually ended up with a splatted graveyard all over the ceiling of the bedroom (which is a feat for someone as short as me) which hopefully never has the opportunity to be discovered by the CSI mob and mistaken for a blood-spray from a vicious murder.

They are all dead now. Game over. I won. Jen.

tinsenpup said...

As I was ironing my favourite ladies' ukulele dress, I was wondering what Killing a Fly... was up to and lo and behold here you are... I'm kidding, of course, I don't iron. I just wear my ukulele dress all wrinkled.

I only ever seem to get Googlers worried they have butt cancer (see a doctor, people) and the odd one looking for porn. In fact, you left a comment mentioning sweet sweet gecko porn on a post I wrote called 'The Secret of My Success'. Apparently there's a porn movie that goes by that name (there would be), so that was a nice little honeytrap for a couple of unsuspecting pervs. I'm obviously easily amused. :)

The File Family said...

So I'm fairly new to this blogging stuff - how would I find out all this info about my own blog?

Love this post - hilarious! :)

Have a good weekend!

Mrs. Tantrum said...

Oh WOW!! I am not quite sure which is more amusing, your commentary on the searches, or the searches themselves. I should send you my list and see what you can come up with! Although most of them make me throw up in my mouth and think *What is WRONG with people?* and leave me speechless. Yes, speechless, I know it is hard to believe.

Emily said...

These are hilarous. I did a blog post the other day w/ my strange google searches. Somebody actually googled "sick of my grouchy husband" ha!

stefanie said...

Late congrats on your SITS day. I'm way behind on visiting the featured blogs, but I found yours sometime earlier and subscribed. Instead of looking at the featured ones, I took some time to explore. Love your sense of humor, your google search commentary, and those goofy guys with the guitars. I think you were a hero for having Sonny's cake served at Nana's party!