101 Ways to Wake Up

On the 20th March 2005, I lay in bed, very aware that it was probably going to be the last good sleep I was ever going to get. Ever. My blood pressure had been causing me problems, and as I was 37 weeks pregnant, I was likely to be admitted to hospital for a few nights, observed for a bit, and then induced. Which I was.

Since 20th March 2005, I have often remembered what that Last Good Sleep was like. I've been thinking about it a fair bit recently because Sonny Ma-Jiminy has been thinking of new and different ways to wake me up in the morning. I find it so hard to wake my body up and scrape myself out of bed, and he knows it. He is learning that he must be more persuasive to get me up in the morning.

Here are some different ways to wake up, c/o Sonny Ma-Jiminy:

1. "Hey Mummy, want an apple/banana/orange?" And he places a cold piece of fruit on my warm face.

2. Sometimes it's the sound of both children chattering to themselves that wakes me up. Sonny has been told not to go into Smoochy Girl's room, but he is usually desperate to get in there so he head right on in saying, "Smoochy needs me! I'll just go in to her. I'll make her happy." He often takes fruit in for himself and Smoochy. On these days, I find banana skins, mandarin peel and apple cores in her room and through her cot during the day.

3. One morning recently, I lay in the first light and heard the sound of spoon-on-bowl. I struggled out of bed and found Sonny Ma-Jiminy sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by cereal boxes and a milk bottle. I squinted through the myopic haze and saw that he had served himself breakfast, poured the milk with a minimum of mess and had nearly finished eating it. So I went back to bed.

4. His face was three inches from my face in the early-morning light: "THE JELLY'S READY!!!" I remembered we'd made jelly yesterday, and after the fifth request to check and see if it was ready, I had said "It won't be ready until tomorrow."

5. "Mum! Can I have an ice cream?" "Mum! Can I have some chocolate?" "Mum! Can I have a lollipop?" Yeah, right. It's 6:00am.

6. An urgent whisper: "Mummy! I've got a poo!" (Sonny Ma-Jiminy often offloads into his nighttime nappy.) Recently I've been leaving him to wait for a bit while I get my body into gear, so he has been bringing out the Big Guns of Dirty Nappy Persuasion:

SMJ: "There's poo in my room."
Me (wrenched from deep sleep): "Mmph, womphle, WHA-?"
SMJ: "There's poo in my room."
Me: "Err, you mean in your nappy?"
SMJ: "Yeah. And poo in my room."
Me (in denial): "Ah, good, so just in your nappy then?"
SMJ: "There's poo in my nappy. And it tumbled out of my nappy, slopped down my leg and slopped on my carpet."

The use of the word "slopped" did it for me. I was up.

Sigh. He sleeps well and he eats well, and so once the "do I have to get up" hour rolls around, he has had enough sleep. I've come to accept it. It gives me some interesting ways to wake up.