This will be quick because I am trying to be ASLEEP before 9:00pm. This is my second attempt. Last night I realised I'd probably FAILED when the clock said 2:00am and I hadn't slept a wink. Since my last post on bad sleep, Joseph has slept like a little angel, but I will not tell you what sleeping position he has adopted in order to achieve this. No, I won't.
He was a bit restless last night, and I don't think I was ready for it. I ended up sitting in the rocking chair, gazing unblinkingly into the darkness, mentally writing my obituary. I'm not sure why, it could be in response to the fact I'd just hissed at my baby that he would be going to sleep that instant, for my next journey into his room would be to kill one of us, probably me, and I would be making him watch.
Anyway.
My obituary.
I found that when I'm sleep depraved, I get really pessimistic. I can't see any good in anything. (Probably not the right mood in which to enter one's child's room with a half-baked plan to kill one or other of you.)
My obituary went something like this:
Givinya de Elba's early life was unremarkable, as were her teenage years and adulthood. She struggled in vain to get her children to sleep well as babies, and hated having milk sucked out of her. She couldn't sing, couldn't run, couldn't sew and couldn't have cared less. She never wrote anything of note. Oh there was a blog or something. She died at her own hand, driven to despair by her young son's crying.
Ridiculous. Joseph didn't actually cry last night, he just had periods of moaning as he inched around his cot, periodically bashing his head into the bars. My two big children 'slept through' from 8 months and have been pretty good sleepers since. And hey, I HAVE milk there, so what's the big problem getting it sucked out of me. Besides the obvious, of course. If I could sew, I'd spend lots of money on fabric, if I could sing I'd get put on every church worship roster and if I could run, my boobs would get saggy. -er. Saggier.
But no: in the darkenss, it was all moan, moan, moan.
Pretty amazing, the things you think when you're sleep-depraved.
Now off to bed for me. I have 20 minutes to shower, dress, read, pray and fall asleep so I make my 9:00pm deadline. Hopefully I won't be so sleep-depraved when milk is demanded of me tonight and hopefully one day I will feel awake enough at 5:00am to walk the dog before the children wake up.
And I promise that if Joseph has another bad night, I won't even start thinking. The brain does not deserve to be unleashed until 8:00am at the earliest.
12 comments:
Oh, I hear you! Being sleep deprived is a killer. Although, I only recall threatening to kill my husband (for the unforgivable crime of sleeping when I couldn't). And there were times when I honestly didn't know whether I'd survive the night. So I hope you ARE fast asleep by now (it's 9:30) and that you DO sleep soundly all night long and that there are no more pessimistic dead-of-the-night obituaries :-)
Oh, I hope you're off sleeping like a... er... possibly not politically correct to go further down that particular path.
Sleep tight, and don't let the ...er... Possibly that's not a good idea either.
Who invented these stupid sayings anyway.
Sweet dreams.
I hope you are asleep right now! And if not, at least fully rested. :)
Hope you get some sleep. Yes, sleep deprivation= strange thoughts!!
My friends daughter use to cry thru the night. My friend was a working mom and really needed her sleep. She would make sure there was nothing wrong with her and then she would go in the garage. Get in her car and lean the seat back so she could sleep and not hear the crying. The child turned out just fine. She's 16 now and driving herself everywhere. I hope he works thru this quick so we don't have to read any more obituaries.
Sleep fast,
♥ Joy
((hugs)) here's a happy thought... it's your birthday soon :)
I sure do hope you drifted off into la-la land without any problem!
Oh sweet girl, you make me laugh! In sympathy, of course.. ;)
I remember in Bub's early months standing there, holding her while she screamed, and honestly considering beating my head against the bars of the cot til I passed out just to stop the NOISE!!! Although, I must admit I never reached the point of my own obituary. Maybe tonight - we have regressed a little, she's pretty sick (hence my random disappearance from blogland...) and sleep is a distant memory. BTW, I run, and you should SEE my sad sacks. Actually one day you probably will, I'll trip over them in the street or something and they will put it on the news.
I do hope Do-eff had a good night last night!
I'm not even going to tell you the stuff I thought of while up all nite with a wee girlie who refused to sleep unless lying on my chest... it wasn't pretty. She sleeps thru most nights now... of course, she's 12 now.....
That's rough. Your nephew here suggests you leave hundreds of bottles of milk beside Joseph's pillow so he can drink it himself.
Oh I don't miss them nights ... not at all. You poor thing, hope it gets better for you soon.
:) Marcia
I had to laugh but I promise I was not laughing AT you, I was laughing WITH you because I was exactly the same way. 99% of my post-partum depression was sleep deprivation. I have definitely had the suicidal 2 am thoughts. Once I started sleeping, I was much better. I hope you are getting more sleep by the time you read this!
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