07 September 2009

The Poo Police - Reposted

After locating our double stroller at Grandma & Grandpa's place yesterday, I decided to take Anna-Lucia and Joseph for a quick walk before the heavy storm clouds gave way to the thunderstorm we're enjoying right now.

I had just claimed to my sister that we can walk dog-free, as Jaz wouldn't notice us leave. My sister had 'sighed' over Google Talk and bemoaned that her dog was a "NOTICING dog" and would yelp and howl if she tried to go for a dog-free walk.

This time, Jaz NOTICED. I decided to take her with us lest she sever her own head trying to squash under the side fence to join us.

She was such a nuisance that she didn't last long. There was too much pulling and straining at the lead, pulling the heavy double stroller up onto the grassy footpath and attempting to perform eliminations best left at home.

So I decided to re-post this entry from 18 September 2008:
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There is one thing I never ever want to do.

They tell me I SHOULD do it. They tell me I will get in trouble if I DON'T do it.

But I never EVER want to do it.

Ever.

I just blanch at the thought of picking up my dog's poo in a plastic bag, and walking around with it.

It is one of the reasons I exercise Puppity Doggity by playing "Fetch" in the back yard and never take her out for walks. I just can't bear the thought of picking up the... ergh.


I want to tell you about a great idea I have had, an idea that should preclude me from ever having to pick up Puppity Doggity's poo in a plastic bag, and carry it home. Here's my idea.

Tell me: How many plastic bags would a reasonable person expect a dog-owner to carry with them on a walk? How many bags of poo would it be reasonable to see tied to the dog's lead? A rough guess?

I am thinking three. Nobody should really expect a dog-owner to take more than three plastic baggies with them on a walk, right?

And once each of those three bags is filled and tied to the lead, dangling down as a visible badge of responsible dog ownership, nobody should expect that if the dog hunches a fourth time in order to become considerably lighter, that the hapless dog owner should fill a fourth bag, and tie it onto the lead alongside the other three.

Right?

So my plan is simple. Before I take Puppity Doggity for a walk, I will take three plastic baggies and into each I will place a wet, brown sock. I will tie each one onto the lead, and then head off.

If she should stop and hunch over, and if we should be observed (by the Poo Police, I assume,) all I have to do is visibly admonish Puppity, gesture towards the three already-filled baggies hanging from the lead, and throw my hands up in dismay. And off we'll go.

No reasonable observer could be unhappy with that, could they?

8 comments:

Jen said...

No, you are right. They can't be unhappy with that at all.

Joy said...

Love this post then and love it now.

Joy

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

HILARIOUS!!!

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

Oh...and my little dog is about 6" tall. No way could he fill ONE bag, much less 4!

Sidthegnomenator said...

I think Jerry Seinfeld had it right when he mused about aliens watching two beings on earth from space: one is pooing and the other is picking up the poo and carrying it in a little bag, which one would they assume is the ruler of this planet?

Crazy Sister said...

I love the part where you have your mime planned out.

Ann said...

This is SO funny! We recently had to move into an apartment (much to my chagrin), and it was just yesterday, as I was walking to the dumpster with yet another bag of the aforementioned lovelies, as well as the bag my daughter used to clean the cat box, my husband mused "Do you realize our pets are actually rulers over us? If we were in charge, they'd be picking up OUR poo."

Sassy Britches said...

You are the most clever woman I have ever met. Wet socks; who would have thought?!