25 June 2008

Coming Clean

Thanks to everyone for your support of my poem about Mr McGee and the Biting Flea. I was disproportionately proud of it and totally chuffed to be featured on Good Mom / Bad Mom.

As you may have guessed from reading the comments, I was quite eager for my comment count to "violently explode" into the double figures it had never reached before. Sad, but true. Nine (9) has been the previous commenty high-score and as you know, we bloggers LOVE comments.

What to do? I was getting a huge (well, huge for me!) number of hits to my page but although they came to read and stayed to snicker, they didn't click to comment! Argh!

Crazy Sister was in the middle of moving house and her telephone lines were not connected (things are a bit backward with our largest telephone carrier here, I don't think any Aussies will be disagreeing with me on this,) so not only could she not comment, she couldn't even read the post.

I thought about my brother. The Cool Cat has landed a great engineering job in a mining town and totally loves it. Work keeps him so busy that he is always sending and reading non-work-related email, so I decided to email him and ask if he could help.

Yes I am really this pathetic:

Subject: Ask not what your sister can do for you, but what you can do for your sister.

Hey Little Bro,

Can you help? I have written a blog post that was featured on Good Mom / Bad Mom on Sunday. So I've had a record number of hits to my site over the last few days but problem is they come to read and don't stay to leave a friendly comment!

We bloggers LOVE comments. In fact, our whole self-worth hangs on them. My comment count is always in the extremely-low range, and I was hoping that all this traffic to my site was going to help me EXPLODE VIOLENTLY for once into double figures.

But alas. My comment count sits at an embarrassing 9. N-I-N-E. 9. And two of them were from MYSELF! Can you help restore my self-esteem by leaving a comment for me? So you can be Number 10? Pretty please!

I promise I will come clean and blog about how I cajoled and wheedled my dear little bro into helping me out!!

Yours, etc.

And so I think I'd better actually come clean and admit this to you, pretending I'm not embarrassed because I write under a pseudonym. But of course, half my readers know me in real life so the pseudonym doesn't afford me much anonymity. They all know I'm a little bit pathetic though.

Well, in case you missed it, here was my amazing brother's first comment, displaying that he is better at spinning a rhyme than I ever was!

Your wee bro said ...

Your blog was hilarious
Really quite neat
Though seeing that halfway
'twixt shoulders and feet

Was kinda disturbing
Considering that
The book’s aimed at children
Like those you begat

But you’d better come clean
Re an email you sent
Asking your brother
To post a comment

To bolster the number
Of comments to you
Into double figures -
A record that’s due

Your loving young brother,
I’m glad to assist
In all ways I can
Including like this

I got it too late
But I’m happy to see
You made double figures
With no help from me

(Now you just need
Another one or two
To bring to said record
Those posts not from you.)

HOWZAT?!? The kid can rhyme! I thought that was awesome. And if that wasn't good enough, he came back for a second bite of commenting pie:

Your wee bro said ...

How is that possible?
I dissed you through rhyme!!
'twas not my intention
At least not this time!

I’m racked with guilt
And apologise fully
I can’t believe I’m guilty
Of being a bully

One Homer J. Simpson
Said that it’s wrong
And he hates it when people
Mislead him through song

I hope you’ll forgive me
For being a tool
And realise it’s just me
Acting the fool.

Superb. Bonus points for the Simpsons reference.

And the good ol' comment counter has hit double figures a couple of times since then. Whoo! Thanks to all my commenty friends!


musing said...

Sink me, the little bro is a poet. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that your self-worth hangs off comments to your blog, because you may have noticed a reduction in the number of comments I've been making. I hope that it hasn't had a negative impact on how you view your 'baby' (blog). (Probably doesn't as there are lots of new exciting people commenting instead)

There are some reasons for my late reserve:

1. Once upon a time there was a little blog. It was read by people that you knew, and most of whom I knew as well. It was all very friendly and felt like an extension of some of our crazy phone calls and discussions.

2. As I kept an eye on your Stat Counter I became as proud of that little blog as if I'd written it myself. Watching the numbers go up and up. Seeing the references to other websites quoting you. Awwww.

3. There were a few regulars started coming and commenting and it felt like I had met some new friends (like Mrs Tantrum), and I didn't mind if they thought I was insane.

4. Then I suddenly became aware that any comment I made was there forever. That anyone who ever saw your blog could read my nonsense. Many of these people would be strangers half-way around the world, who I may never meet, but...

5. Then there was my (hopefully witty) but WAY TOO PERSONAL response to 'Caught Short' that thankfully I had you remove before it got referenced by another site and your figures exploded violently. Now I am a little more careful.

I'm still reading, though. But, like both Elizabeth and Darcy I am unwilling to speak unless I am going to say something that will astound the room (or at least attempt to do so!) or give you an opportunity to be even more funny. Jen.

PS. - I think it is better to have fewer comments than some blogs where one has to wade through thousands of blah comments to find anything amusing.

Aunt Debbi/kurts mom said...

The first thing I look for is comments. Didn't somebody make up a comment addict tee-shirt out there in the blogosphere somewhere.

I am impressed with your brother though. I have never had poetry in my comments.

mommastantrum said...

So the Elba family is a funny family of writers eh? A poet and a crazy sister and the one that battles poo and bedbugs! BRILLIANT!!! It is perfefct for my next screenplay - after the one about the brother in law that takes his cat on vacation and it ends BADLY.

Givinya De Elba said...

Ooh, ooh, I can't WAIT for that ending! I was shopping in the pet food aisle today, wondering how the Catful Vacation will go. The suspense!

Anonymous said...

I don't comment often, but I love reading your blog & have even shared some of your 'adventures' (if that's what you can call your bedbug experience) with friends & work colleagues (most of whom thought as I did that bedbugs were just some made up thing used in a nightime rhyme). As for previous Anonymous comment (hi Jen - how's things?) - I'm intrigued about the removed comment.... but won't think too much about it. Dani

Your Wee Bro said...

I just came back to say LOL
I’m lovin’ these comments you get
I’d like to point out that they all think you’re good…
But they ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

If they knew you in person, they’d all be in awe
Of just how bodacious* you are
But too bad they don’t – that’s their bad luck
That’s their fault for livin’ so far.**

Now you are famous, from being featured
On the Good Mom/Bad Mom webpage
And now I must thank you, ‘coz I’m famous too -
It’s like my e-coming of age.***

Thanks to them all, for mentioning me
Harmony, Aunt Debbi/Kurts Mom
Thankin' you too, y'all are too kind
Musing and Mommastantrum.

Now, I'm not a poet, but I’ve dabbled a bit
Just because you got me started
With that great post about Mr McGee
But I’m an engineer, so I shouldn’t be able to do anything “artsy”.

I wrote you a poem a few weeks ago,
About a bit more of the same
I was gunna post it on your bloggin’ page
But I thunk it’d be a bit of a shame.

See I reckon it’s really all your bloggin’ site
Not mine to make meself famous
So I should bzzzz off, and let ya’s all be
Before I get sent a mandamus.****

But before I go, I’d just like to add
This little pre-thunk-up rhyme
Keep doin’ the blogs, they remind me of home
So well-written, truly sublime!

* I can’t believe I just used that word on Tha Eelectric Internets. Please read as any other trisyllabic adjective (with the accent on the second) that doesn’t make me sound gay like “fantastic” or Blytonesque like “tremendous” or “terrific”. If “cooter” had an unaccented syllable prepended (except “un-”, “ab-” or “de-”), I’d be usin’ that. How about “McCooter”?

** Read as “so far away”, but with only two syllables… geez that’s sad… ok, so I’m not a real poet! Apologies to our e-acquaintances who don't know us... I just needes something that rhymes - not your fault really!

*** “Now I’m a BIG boy – I can write stuff on Tha Eelectric Internets!! ¼ of a century old… that’s old enough, ain’t it? Never been famous before. How does being complemented on my pseudo-poetry skills by unknown-but-very-nice e-acquaintances represent my e-coming of age, I hear you ask? Hey, it rhymes, ok? What more do you want? Coherent meaning? HA!!!! I don’t even LOOK that smart… … wait… what did I just say?

**** An uber-official order telling someone to do stuff whether they like it or not (http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/definition/mandamus)

Your Wee Bro said...

Bleedin' 'eck!! That was a bit epic!! Took me three hours to draft that one!! Then only after I published it did I see how long it was!! Hey... this is a new experience for me - I've never commented not in rhyme before. There ya go. The world is a different place now that I've commented out-of-rhyme! The air smells different... oh, wait... that was me. Sorry.

Bit of a disclaimer: I didn't think up all that rhyme meself - I have 17 entries in my recently viewed webpages list beginning with http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/definition/, and ending with words such as (but obviously not limited to):

foment (linked from the entry for the word "comment")
famous (whence came the mandamus reference)
etc. etc. etc. The rhyme section on each page was particularly useful.

Here's a shorter literary affront I did a while ago about poor Mr. McGee:

Cold, wet day reading
Kids’ book showing penises
Poor young children scarred

(Why did the Japanese have to invent the Haiku? And why did I research it to such a degree purely for the purposes of a literary pay-out? And why am I still awake? I've gotta go over to the mine tomorrow morning. Oh... 'coz I spent three hours drafting a poem... that's right!)

See ya at Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Wee bro should have his own blog, too.



Anonymous said...

Of course

Anonymous said...

there could be

Anonymous said...

some really sneaky

Anonymous said...

ways to get

Anonymous said...

your comment rate

Anonymous said...

soaring, but

Anonymous said...

I hope that

Anonymous said...

no-one else is

Anonymous said...

trying to comment because

Anonymous said...

this won't make

Anonymous said...

any sense if

Anonymous said...

someone inserts a comment

Anonymous said...

before I've finished.

Anonymous said...

Whew, I made it. Jen.

Givinya De Elba said...

Oh Jen, I totally loved it! You made my day! Gave me a scare though - I was online while you were doing that.

The comment count was 9, then five minutes later it was a completely unprecedented 23 and I got worried that I'd cheesed off the Internets somehow, some militant mothering website had got wind of my post and all headed over here to burn me at the stake or something.

(That sort of thing often happens when a blogger posts something very controversial about circumcision, breastfeeding or homeschooling.)

Laughed out loud to see it was my Jen bolstering my comment count! Yay!