Killing a Fly with a Ukulele: You Can't Fool Me

I am the Mum.
If life was a circus, I would be the plate-juggling lady with monkeys on her shoulders who stands on one leg on a horse's back as it canters around the ring.

I am the Writer.
I use too many commas, dashes and dot-dot-dots, and I often start sentences with conjunctions because I like my blog to look the way it sounds in my mind.

I am the Hero.
Life is a bit like a superhero action comic, except that the superheroes are tiny children dressed in super-suits who possess no actual powers, while I just get them food, break up fights and clean their super-suits.

14 July 2009

You Can't Fool Me

Dear Hospital Staff,

I am writing to comment on the name you have given your department that handles the bookings for non-emergency surgery.

"Theatre Bookings Office."

Well done - you've made it sound like I'm off for a night at the opera. Pity, but naming it the "Theatre Bookings Office" doesn't quite make me forget that I am not off for a night at the opera, but in fact I will be flat on my back with my guts, complete with maverick placenta, open for display. Good try though.

Yours,

Givinya de Elba.

12 comments:

Heather said...: Must say, I'd definitely rather book my tickets to the opening day showing of the new Harry Potter movie, than your particular matinee...

xo; 14 July, 2009 21:33
Givinya De Elba said...: After the blood and stuff is done, I plan to thank them all for being a great audience. To keep with the atmosphere of The Theatre.; 14 July, 2009 21:44
Tracy P. said...: And seriously, could they keep the drama to a minimum?; 14 July, 2009 22:06
Femina said...: Just remember to thank the Academy.; 14 July, 2009 22:21
Joy said...: I guess it is theatre depending which end your on.
Give 'em a good show!

:)
Joy

P.S. I had my first daughter in a teaching hospital. I felt like every wannabe doctor and nurse came in to take their turn to check on things. It felt like a theatre.; 15 July, 2009 02:56
Beth said...: Presumably it's an arcane reference to when they called it the "operating theatre". Which, I must admit I've never understood. Why is it that hospitals (the place you'd hope be ruled by logic) seem to have the most confusing departments and the largest amount of red tape?

Anyway, been keeping up with your whole saga and please know I too will keep you and Thingamababy in my prayers...; 15 July, 2009 04:41
Schmoochiepoo said...: Wow, you guys in Aus make it all sounds so civilized. :) Will you have to dress up? LOL!; 15 July, 2009 05:31
tinsenpup said...: I don't know, that whole guts show sounds like fairly typical post-modern theatre to me. :)

I just wanted to quickly point out too what a great job you've done to bring Thingamababy so far. By the time you have your baby (challenges notwithstanding) you will both be in a really good position to go forward in health and (as you recover) happiness.; 15 July, 2009 08:33
Wonderful World of Weiners said...: So I guess I shouldn't ask if I can watch???

Hallie :); 15 July, 2009 11:06
Jen said...: Oh come on, at what theatre can you get your guts put on your chest? If that is not drama, I don't know what is.

Did I say to much?; 15 July, 2009 11:09
Swift Jan said...: HAHA Very much worth blogging about!; 15 July, 2009 14:17
Allegro ma non troppo said...: That sounds like permission to carry on like a Prima Donna drama queen to me. Let 'em have it.; 15 July, 2009 20:46

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This is the story of me, Givinya de Elba, and my adventures with Mr de Elba, my children Buzz, Jessie, and Woody and our dog, Bullseye. We have plenty of good times, some weird times and a huge dose of drama.

Some of my posts are sad, lots are funny and sometimes I subject you to my pondering. We have our celebrations, when I write a decent poem I share it with you and when I'm held hostage, I do the occasional meme.

Other people who are special to me feature here too, some of them being my Dad, my Mum, my Crazy Sister (her blog), my Wee Brother and my good friend Hippomanic Jen (her blog).

I am a part-time speech pathologist, and try to cook, keep a garden alive and take photos that don’t make us look like we are pharmaceutically affected or dangerously homicidal.

I often suffer from Mumfail but I keep hanging on to the One who picks me up when I fall. If you email me, I’ll answer.

And if all that is too much, just read my “Best Of."

No, they didn't.

They called me Katherine.

I go by Kate.

I came up with the pseudonym Givinya de Elba in highschool and it was based on a joke from an episode of Dad's Army called 'A Soldier's Farewell.'

In the episode, after eating too much toasted cheese, Captain Mainwaring dreams he is Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo. I don't remember much about the episode other than Mainwaring telling his loyal men (Jones, Pike and Godfrey) that he has been exiled to the island of Elba.

Jones quips, "Hence the expression - Givin' ya the Elber!" (giving you the elbow, i.e., pushing you around.) I thought that Givinya de Elba was a half-decent pseudonym for someone who likes to joke and push people around, and I stuck with that.

My sweet niece ...

14 July 2009

You Can't Fool Me

12 comments: