I am the Mum. If life was a circus, I would be the plate-juggling lady with monkeys on her shoulders who stands on one leg on a horse's back as it canters around the ring.
I am the Writer. I use too many commas, dashes and dot-dot-dots, and I often start sentences with conjunctions because I like my blog to look the way it sounds in my mind.
I am the Hero. Life is a bit like a superhero action comic, except that the superheroes are tiny children dressed in super-suits who possess no actual powers, while I just get them food, break up fights and clean their super-suits.
Buzz is the Superhero who saves my day. He is a faithful friend and brother, willing to lead his sidekicks into intergalactic adventures ... to infinity and beyond.
Jessie is a feisty cowgirl who knows her mind and is willing to give anyone a piece of it. She is wild and spirited, she loves large animals but is terrified of small harmless critters. Jessie would rather find a rattlesnake in her boot than have her hair washed and brushed.
Woody loves rounding up his gang and charming the crowd. He's not keen on the war-whoops of the other varmints or on being smothered with too much affection, but he loves seeing the lay of the land while riding high in the arms of his Sheriffs.
Rex is the much-awaited newest member of our outfit. He joined us in July 2012, and is therefore too young to have much said about him. He drinks a lot of milk and all he can say is "Rarr!"
"No, Buzz, I AM your father."
Mr de Elba is dark and handsome with a loud laugh. He is a fun and loving father who enjoys spending time with his children. He's great at computers - this means I have my own personal IT Guy, but also that he often falls asleep in front of computer games at night. He makes great coffee, does the best Chicken Tikka Masala, cooks a mean barbecue and plays guitar frightfully well. He is, however, no good at doing accents.
Bullseye has been contributing to Blue-Tongue Lizard and Bandicoot Attrition Rates since we moved in to a new house which backs onto some forest. She either moves in quantum motion or possesses the power of ubiquity. She can often be seen, apparently simultaneously, at both the side door and the back door. Her arch-nemeses include dogs and other animals smaller than her. She harbours a deep envy of aeroplanes and birds who possess what she so desperately craves: Altitude.
Why are you naked in these pics? I didn't think it was *that* kind of blog...
By the way, if a person were, hypothetically, to be knitting for a certain gracefulness-destroying lump, that person would like to assure you that it's not with the wool that was batted all around the room by a certain kitten. Just so you know. Hypothetically.
Um, hang on a moment here... that last picture: You're vastly pregnant and doing yoga? My goodness, woman, you're putting my Hasn't Been Remotely Pregnant in Almost a Decade, sorry abdomen to shame! ;)
Come to think of it, you recently referenced lying on the floor, and I was wondering how in the world you got up! Thanks for the illustration. I think I quit getting "down there" by about 5 months!
I'm looking forward to the diagram of you attempting to tie your shoes. Or shave your legs. Or how about one where you're using your belly as a table for a plate of cookies or something! :)
When I was pregnant with Mo, I got stuck on my back in the waterbed. I was sloshing around, waving my arms and legs, and waving some more. Steve looked at me and said, "You look like a bloated tick!"
He survived.
When I found out I was pregnant with El, I demanded a new bed.
Some of my posts are sad, lots are funny and sometimes I subject you to my pondering. We have our celebrations, when I write a decent poem I share it with you and when I'm held hostage, I do the occasional meme.
I am a part-time speech pathologist, and try to cook, keep a garden alive and take photos that don’t make us look like we are pharmaceutically affected or dangerously homicidal.
I often suffer from Mumfail but I keep hanging on to the One who picks me up when I fall. If you email me, I’ll answer.
And if all that is too much, just read my “Best Of."
I know. It seems crazy to go back to pseudonyms now that Mister Internet knows our real (first) names. I blogged for 8 months with real names because I love the names that I gave my children, and I wanted my friends to know us better! Now that you do, I'm ready to go back to my original blog genre using pseudonyms, so here we go.
This does mean that "Jessie" is onto her fourth Blog Name. What can I say? I've never found the perfect one.
No, they didn't.
They called me Katherine.
I go by Kate.
I came up with the pseudonym Givinya de Elba in highschool and it was based on a joke from an episode of Dad's Army called 'A Soldier's Farewell.'
In the episode, after eating too much toasted cheese, Captain Mainwaring dreams he is Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo. I don't remember much about the episode other than Mainwaring telling his loyal men (Jones, Pike and Godfrey) that he has been exiled to the island of Elba.
Jones quips, "Hence the expression - Givin' ya the Elber!" (giving you the elbow, i.e., pushing you around.) I thought that Givinya de Elba was a half-decent pseudonym for someone who likes to joke and push people around, and I stuck with that.
"Er, sweetheart, killing a fly with a ukulele is probably the wrong thing to do ..."
I thought it sounded like something I'd say; something that summed up the parenting experience quite well. A bizarre yet offhand, languid suggestion that pest control was best achieved without the use of musical instruments.
11 comments:
I omitted the other Major Defects: thighs, backside and oh my - the more than ample bosom. I would have looked like an upright-walking cane toad.
Why are you naked in these pics? I didn't think it was *that* kind of blog...
By the way, if a person were, hypothetically, to be knitting for a certain gracefulness-destroying lump, that person would like to assure you that it's not with the wool that was batted all around the room by a certain kitten. Just so you know. Hypothetically.
Um, hang on a moment here... that last picture: You're vastly pregnant and doing yoga? My goodness, woman, you're putting my Hasn't Been Remotely Pregnant in Almost a Decade, sorry abdomen to shame! ;)
Come to think of it, you recently referenced lying on the floor, and I was wondering how in the world you got up! Thanks for the illustration. I think I quit getting "down there" by about 5 months!
I'm looking forward to the diagram of you attempting to tie your shoes. Or shave your legs. Or how about one where you're using your belly as a table for a plate of cookies or something! :)
Hey that looks familiar!! hehe
Hmmmmmm..........Brings back some old memories.
Memories...pressed across the pages of my mind ... memories ... sweeted through the ages ... what? Who am I kidding???
You are a very beautiful (if not quite graceful) preggers woman with the gift of very evocative stick-figure-drawing.
Not long now (or is that a comment from a never-been-pregnant-woman who is about to be savaged by all the have-been-pregnant-women out there).
Graceful and artistic.
♥
Joy
I always love your stick figures! I can almost hear them wincing, sighing, and groaning.
I'm so impressed that you are so coordinated!
When I was pregnant with Mo, I got stuck on my back in the waterbed. I was sloshing around, waving my arms and legs, and waving some more. Steve looked at me and said, "You look like a bloated tick!"
He survived.
When I found out I was pregnant with El, I demanded a new bed.
I got one.
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