A Crappy Little Gab called Hordon

Adrian Plass's fictional self was once unwittingly roped in to present a children's talk at a local church.  While he was a proficient speaker in front of adult crowds, the thought of presenting a children's talk terrified him (as well it should) and he spent weeks regretting the horrible situation he found himself in.

After miserably failing to summon the courage to politely pull out of his speaking engagement, he fronted up on the awful day and with sweaty palms and a terrified, squeaky voice, began his children's talk.

He began, as he said, with a horrible unintentional spoonerism.

"There was once a crappy little gab called Hordon..."

The ensuing confusion was reminiscent of the similar confusion I create when I commit a similar unintentional spoonerism, which has been happening with depressing regularity.

This Sunday, I was attempting to lead Kids Worship accompanied by an extremely cool song that was played, through no influence of my own, on a small plastic CD player that emitted a weak, tinny, trebley sound.  I needed all my charisma to carry my enthusiasm to the minds of the small children who were bravely trying to copy the actions and sing the unfamiliar words.

The song was "I've Got The Joy" by Go Fish.  (Did I mention I love Go Fish? And also that this is not an advertisement, that they either haven't heard of me or are now putting a restraining order in place against the weird Australian lady who says she "loves" them?) If you want to refresh your memory regarding how awesomely cool this song is, listen to a bit of it here. Then buy their album, if for no other reason than to placate Go Fish and convince them not to place the restraining order.

The first verse says "I like to dance ... cos I've got the joy."  The second verse says "I like to sing ... cos I've got the joy."  The third says "I like to shout ... cos I've got the joy," and the fourth says "I like to clap ... cos I've got the joy."

The fifth verse says, "I like to" -pause- "... cos I've got the joy," presumably to let you fill in your own action.

And the sixth verse says, "I like to ..." and then it all gets weird.  The lead singer sings "dance-clap" while the BGVs sing "sing-and-shout!"

The words "clap" and "sing" are on top of each other, providing the Kids Worship Leader with a dilemma.  What to do?  What to sing?  How to do actions without getting tangled up?

I decided to attempt "Dance-clap-sing-shout!"

That was stupid.

Because what I actually shouted at the group of confused children was,
"DANCE-SING-CLOUT-SHAP!"

Like a crappy little gab called Hordon.