07 May 2009

Poor Vision

The writing over at my sister's blog, Graze, has been brilliant recently. She's kept me laughing, and she's interesting too.

It started with Polka Music, moved on to Small Smalls and odd library books, including "The Pox." Then yesterday she posted about her dreadful vision. And this got me thinking about my Dreadful Vision.

I don't have any astigmatism, but am fairly short-sighted. Not quite as blind as Swift Jan, but getting there. Contact lenses make it all okay. Without the contacts, I am hopeless. I'd lie in bed all day. Seriously. I just can't function without lenses. AT ALL.

I have blogged about this before:

When I was a brand-new first-time Mum, I learned that the worst part of being terribly short-sighted is changing dirty nighttime nappies. Without contact lenses, you have to get extremely close to the -err- project to do a good cleanup job. And of course, 'extremely close' is the least desirable place to be.
I remember once having an afternoon sleep while I was on a camp. For once, I'd taken my contact lenses out (I usually leave them in for short naps, but was hoping for a LONG sleep this particular afternoon.)

I slept face-down on my sleeping bag (this must have happened so many years ago - no Thingamababy, nothing else either) and when I woke up, I squinted through the familiar myopic hazeat my reflection in the mirror.

I'm not sure why I did this. I can be fairly sure I won't see anything. But this one time, I noticed a dark brown welt extending across my thigh that I was sure hadn't been there before I fell asleep.

It looked like a three-day-old burn, and it looked terrible. It gave me a huge shock.

Then as the fuzz of sleep cleared, I realised what had happened.

I'd fallen asleep on a chocolate sultana, and the chocolate had melted and smeared across my leg as I'd slept.


Swift Jan said...

Lucky it was chocolate & not a mystery injury! Did you lick it off? heh

I have never attempted to do anything spectacle free.... except go to the toilet in the middle of the night... No major mishaps yet!

Heather said...

As one who is Mr. Magoo-levels of nearsighted myself, I hear you. I'm so used to doing things without my glasses (now that I'm wrapping up my first year of Not Being Able to Wear Contacts Due to Serious Eye Ick Issues after 20 years of being a contacts wearer) that I just sort of take it for granted... the having to shave my legs mostly by feel in the shower since I can't see clearly enough to know I didn't miss a spot, the squinting desperately at the LARGE numbers on the alarm clock on Hubby's side of the bed to try and figure out what time it might be (is that one number before the colon or two?), the general fuzziness of the world for big stretches of time when I don't have my specs...

I pondered blogging about the following yesterday, then decided I'd spare myself the embarrassment. Then you go and post this and now I feel obliged to share.

While shaving my legs in the shower, blind per usual without my glasses on, I glanced down at the tub floor behind me and I noticed two distinct brown lumps. I bent over for a closer look, but between the steam and the extreme myopia, I couldn't ascertain what they were, exactly, without getting TOO close, as you mention in the diaper changing anecdote. I literally stood there, squinting down at the brown blobs, and tried to think back on whether *I* had somehow produced them while leaning over, one leg up against the tub wall (sort of Rockettes-ish, the way I shave my legs - I'm surprisingly flexible for a big girl), and finally, I turned off the water and hopped out to get my glasses.

I really thought perhaps I'd overdone it with the prunes (oh sorry, they're "dried plums" these days, thanks Marketing Gurus) that I'd been snacking on over the past few days - looove prunes, mmmm - and that somehow I'd, you know, expelled those two brown blobs. I was, understandably, a bit concerned. I put on my glasses and turned around to see exactly what had fallen, presumably off of/out of my body, and then I realized:

Two of Kiddo's Teeny Tiny Dog figurines, with whom she bathes, had fallen off the tub ledge where they were lined up. Two of the dark brown ones, coincidentally.


Aren't you glad I shared? :D

Givinya De Elba said...

That was hilarious! Yes, I'm glad you shared. Especially funny that you couldn't be 100% sure you hadn't expelled them yourself!

Tracy P. said...

So were you more relieved that it wasn't you, or more disappointed at the waste of a perfectly good piece of chocolate?

Hairline Fracture said...

I can just imagine the moment of thinking, "What in the world is that? Surely not..."

Crazy Sister said...

It's funny what crazy things you can consider when there seems to be no other answer! The world is a mysterious place with ambiguous vision.

musingwoman said...

Is it bad that my first thought was, "Oh, no, save the chocolate!" :)

P.S. Crazy Sister is a hoot!

Sassy Britches said...

You are so right that Crazy Sister has been on a roll lately! I'm loving it.

And I can sooooo relate to all of your stories about nearsightedness. I've seriously contemplated getting that Lasik surgery so I don't have to deal with chocolate "burns," is-that-poop-in-the-bathtub-and-did-I-do-it?, and any number of other traumatic events!

GreenJello said...

I used to have really bad eyes, like legally blind bad eyes.

I got Lasik a few years back, and now I get to participate in the daily miracle of waking up and being able to *see*. Wow.