15 May 2009

Ironing Lady Wanted

I'm sorry, but I hate you:

I also hate you:

And I hate all your buddies.

I hate you because you all represent THIS, which I hate Very Much Indeed:

I'm good at a lot of things, but I am not good at ironing. I am terrible at it.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and it totally gives me the John Schlitts.

(John Schlitt is famous for fronting the Christian rock band Petra for nearly two decades. So when I say that something "gives me the John Schlitts" it's my goody two-shoes Christian way to use Rhyming Slang to swear. Cos I'm a bit rough round the edges like that.)

I spend 15 minutes on one single shirt (that's worth $30 to me in the world of Earning Money) and at the end Mr de Elba (who is not a critical man) is forced to hesitantly ask, "Er - is this one of the ones you've -er- done?"

And I come to inspect it and am reluctantly forced to admit that yes, although I've spent a quarter of an hour with the iron on the correct setting and using the Fabulon and doing it the same way that my Mum does it, it still looks like I needn't have bothered.

I am often at a physical and emotional disadvantage when I iron because it usually happens after I have:

1. promised my beloved that I would iron his shirt for tomorrow
2. forgotten to iron his shirt for tomorrow
3. taken my contact lenses out and gone to bed
4. put hand cream on
5. remembered about the ironing and got out of bed, mumbling Christian-referenced rhyming slang swear words as I go
6. realised that my hand cream would have to be washed off otherwise I would put cream onto my lenses causing my eyes to sting
7. decided that the 'easiest' way forward would be to iron without my lenses in
8. and commenced ironing way past my bedtime, grumpy because I should be reading, and with such poor vision that my nose needs to be so close to the iron that I could burn it.

Moving to my new town caused me to lose many good things, and the loss of my friendly ironing neighbour has been a prominent feature on the list. Asking her to do my ironing in exchange for some money freed me from pouring fruitless hours into a chore I hated and completed slowly and badly. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement.

One great immediate need I have here is to find a nice local ironing lady - one who will take money so I always feel welcome to ask her to do more ironing for me instead of feeling like I am imposing.

If I can find one, my nose is in less danger of severe burns, and my family will find me a nicer Mummy. Their shirts will look better too.


Hairline Fracture said...

I hate ironing too. Fortunately my husband is good at it.

Sassy Britches said...

A.) Teach Mr. de Elba to iron.
B.) Do you have dry cleaners over there? They do ironing...

Invest in one of those honkin' expensive ironing contraptions that you just have to turn ON and they literally do everything for you without you moving a muscle.

There are waaaaay more fun ways to spend your time. :)

Joy said...

Do they not have dry cleaners down there? They press and starch Buster's shirts and he likes the way they do it. The way I do it...not so much.

P.S.Do you know who Nick Vujicic is? He's coming to our church, but I've already seen him before at another church I attended for a short time. Just wondered if you know of him?

Swift Jan said...

I too hate ironing. Immensly!

P.s Now I know why I wear glasses not contacts :P

Long dark hair, blue eyes said...

I hate ironing too. I hate it because I am really bad at it. I..errr.. burn things. I. am. that. bad.

Luckily my handsome husband can iron :).

Mr de Elba should learn!

musingwoman said...

Ironing is of the devil!

Crazy Sister said...

I'm truly lucky that Constable Crazy's work shirts look fine if they get hung on the line straight after being washed. Cause I don't iron. If something looks creased, I wash it and hang it up damp. If that doesn't work, I throw it away.

Femina said...

I quite like ironing, so long as I have a decent DVD to watch at the same time. I have also, in the past, providing ironing services for money (but only for relatives or friends). To me, that's easy money. To other people that's a nightmare on wheels, wrapped up in shiny paper.

Vacuuming, on the other hand... ugh, I hate it. I think it's largely because you can't really see a huge difference, unless the floors were really grotty, so there's not that instant gratification that there is with cleaning the bathroom or washing the dishes or (dare I say it?) ironing.

GreenJello said...

Here's how I iron:

1. Put wet clothes in dryer.
2. Wait until dryer beeps, signaling it's finished.
3. Hurry and pull everything out and put it on hangers.

If it is going to require a trip to see Mr. Iron, it will be sent to the thrift store ASAP.

Mrs. Tantrum said...

Here we have DRYCLEANERS they will dryclean and press your shirts. If he needs a clean one that is pressed everyday you might need to find one. Ironing sucks, and it is a job that you should pay someone else to do. OR just start buying him those no wrinkle shirts and pants. They really work...and are worth the $5 more. I think Mr. DEba will agree when you are shuttled off to the funny farm!