Pathologically Disagreeable

My girl is a Very Happy Being ...


... most of the time. Perhaps 80% of the time. The rest of the time, she is unhappy, and assertively so. And most of this grumpy 20% of the time, she is terribly cute.

Here is an example of one of the absurd conversations that can occur when she's in the mood to disagree. At the time, I was being very economical with my words. She was eating fruit, and I didn't want to clutter the moment with excess verbiage.

Me (looking at my girl): Love!
Smoochy: I not love!!

Five minutes later, she was still eating fruit ...

Me (walking absent-mindedly around the kitchen): Hmm. Good.
Smoochy: Don't say dat! Don't say dat 'good'.
Me: You're gorgeous!
Smoochy: I not gor-ja.
Me (trying to put a positive spin on something): Good kiwi-fruit.
Smoochy (who had been enjoying it): A-Yuck.

(Pause. Smoochy ate more, and continued to enjoy it despite what she'd just said.)

Smoochy: Mmm. Yum!

(Ate some more, pulled a face and tried to pick something off her tongue.)

Me: Trouble?
Smoochy: I not trouble!

So there you go. I didn't understand it either. She is programmed for self-assertion, and disagreeing with everything is one way she can achieve that.

So this is where I'm going: have you seen the Mr Men and Little Miss T-shirts? I've often thought about getting shirts for my kids, but I can't decide which one. Here is a sample of the range ...

but a lot of them don't suit, least of all the final one. Little Miss Sunshine would be perfect for 80% of the time. But what of the other 20%?

Here are some of my suggestions. I have had to Photoshop a Little Miss Bossy shirt in order to show you some of the contenders for a t-shirt for Smoochy's Other 20%.







And then I remember that it IS only 20% we're talking about. And perhaps it's a little harsh being forced to wear a Little Miss Petulant shirt when you're too young to read the shirt anyway.
Then I made a shirt that I believe encapsulates Smoochy's Other 20% much better. It's not that she was born disagreeable, irritable or petulant. She is just a girl who like to be in command, and chooses displeasure to keep herself there. So here's a shirt I photoshopped for her - the perfect shirt for Smoochy: