01 December 2008

Blogging it into existence

I once said, "If I don't blog it, it doesn't exist."

I have avoided blogging about this, and therefore it hasn't really existed so far. But at the risk of bringing it into the realm of reality, I need to blog about it, so I don't go mad.

A few weeks ago, Mr de Elba was offered a job in a different town. It it a good job for him, and I think he's the right person for the position. So it looks like we're moving.

I've had to keep this under my hat until Mr de Elba could tell the people who need to be told (it would be terribly poor form if they found out from his wife's blog!) That's been very hard for me, because I have been feeling shocked, devastated, bereft, and just plain reallyreallysad,
and without the benefit of my cathartic blogging, I fear the stress has eaten me alive.

Woody Allen said, "I can't express anger. That's my problem. I just grow a tumor instead." And so I've wanted to express all the feelings I've had the last few weeks, but instead I've just - broken up inside.

Question and Answer Time
Here are the answers to some questions people have asked me.

How far are we moving? Not far. Our new place will be a little over an hour away. But leaving this place that I love so much is ripping the heart out of me at the moment.

Where is it? We are moving from Ipswich (red dot on map below) to Toowoomba (blue dot), the town where I grew up. It means that our children will grow up living very close to their grandparents ("The Grammas", as Sonny Ma-Jiminy calls them) and this has to be a good thing. Here's a map to show how ridiculously close our new place is, and also to give you the heads-up on the states of Australia in case you were wondering.

Are your parents delighted you'll be moving closer? To be honest, they have been very kind and understanding about how devastated the move has made me, and have sympathised with the amount of crying I have done over the last few weeks. They are not using my time of grief to kick up their heels and celebrate in my face. They've been really supportive.

What is wrong with you? Pull yourself together. Why are you so upset? I admit, this is my own fault. It's because I love this place so much. It's because I've become so jolly thankful for all that God has given us that saying Goodbye to it all is really hurting me at the moment.

If I hated Ipswich, I wouldn't be so sad. If I didn't like my friends and was glad to see the back of them, I'd be cool. If I was getting itchy feet and ready for a move, I'd be more excited. But none of that is true.

How is everyone else taking it? Yeah they're fine. Mr de Elba has an exciting job to go to, and Smoochy is too small to be worried at all. Sonny is loving the idea of moving. He puts his arms around me and says in a really sympathetic voice, "It's okay to move, Mum. It's really good to move because our old house is just about to fall down." That's a crazy thing to say about or lovely house. He's also said, "Having new trees is much better than having old trees. When you look at them, it makes ... your brain ... better." And this I believe proves he has no clue what he's talking about.


Femina said...

Oh, you have my sympathy and prayers! It doesn't matter that it's "not that far" when you're leaving somewhere you love. I've moved around a lot but, apart from the interstate move 5 years ago, it was all within a small enough area that I didn't have to change jobs or find new friends. I had to find new shops but that's not hard. Moving interstate, despite the fact that it was entirely my choice and has turned out to be one of the best things I've ever done, was still horribly wrenching.

I don't know that I have any comfort to give, other than to say don't feel that you have to pull yourself together. You need to grieve; and it's far better to start it now than to pretend you don't mind, hold it all in, then have a major crack-up 6 months from now.


Hippomanic Jen said...

Just remember I said that I'd come to help clean up your beautiful house in preparation for the actual moving thing.

Dee from Downunder said...

I guess an advantage is that you are moving to somewhere you know, and not too far away. I can understand your sadness though. I take it commuting is out of the question? I would hate negotiating that range everyday though...

tinsenpup said...

Wow. I would feel just the same way. I think Femina is probably right. You're going to have to grieve. Your positivity is going to see you through this though.

musing said...

It's hard to uproot when you love where you live.

Thinking of you!

Jen said...

Oh honey, I feel for you I really do. I am sad right along with you. It is alright to feel sad about this. Change is hard no matter how you slice it. I know that you know it will be ok in time so I am not going to tell you that. I am just going to be sad with you and send you a great big (((((hug)))))

Long dark hair, blue eyes said...

Yay that is so exciting (and scary)!

I know what you mean about not being able to blog about things - it can be really frustrating.

Heather said...

Oh, I hear you loudly and clearly. We are also going to be moving, not quite so soon, though. We plan to move in the spring (our goal is to have our house on the market as of May 1st) so that by the time we sell our house and buy another, Kiddo will be mostly, if not all, done with school for the year.

The house we live in now is our very first, owned house, and we built it. Well, had it built - we didn't swing a hammer ourselves, but we did pick everything out and all that. I'm more than a little sad to be leaving it, as we had thought when we built it and moved in that this was going to be IT, *the* house we lived in until we retire and move to a Caribbean isle in, you know, like 30 or 40 years.

And now we're going to move. It is a good thing - we've had naught but problems with our current school district and Hubby has a commute of at least 45 minutes one way, and that is when the weather is good (which it isn't for a solid 7 months of the year here). Moving will get us closer to his work, into a better school district for Kiddo and put us an hour or so closer to my family. (Which means we'll have a 4.5 hour drive to get to them instead of a 5.5 hour drive, so it isn't like spitting distance or anything.)

I've been focusing on all the GOOD things, like those mentioned above, and also things like "oh now I can find a house with X, Y or Z...." to get myself psyched up for the move. (Assuming X, Y, or Z can be found in a new home and for a price we can afford, of course...) But still, it isn't easy at all.

So, like I said before I began rambling, I hear you and I feel your pain and sorrow!! (((hugs)))

Hairline Fracture said...

I get what you're saying. When you love the place you live, leaving has to hurt. Hang in there!

Joy in the Burbs... said...

Now I know why you were crying at the clothes line. I thought it was the amount of laundry.
Moving is tough. My husband has moved me 6 times to a different state each time (in the U.S.) with his job.
I'd be all attached to people and loving the place where I lived and then we'd end up moving.
It's hard and I feel for you. You'll have to work through it. It's a process. Pretty soon you'll be able to hang out the laundry and not cry.
I'll be praying for you.


Mrs. Tantrum said...

Clearly there is something wrong with that house you are in. It is making Sonny INSANE!

This I know will be a VERY GOOD THING! Even though it doesn't seem like it at the time, God moves in small ways to make big things happen. Trust that this is the right thing for all of you.

And an hour? That is nothing compared to the 42 day kayak ride you are away from SOME of your FRIENDS!