Killing a Fly with a Ukulele: Classifieds

I am the Mum.
If life was a circus, I would be the plate-juggling lady with monkeys on her shoulders who stands on one leg on a horse's back as it canters around the ring.

I am the Writer.
I use too many commas, dashes and dot-dot-dots, and I often start sentences with conjunctions because I like my blog to look the way it sounds in my mind.

I am the Hero.
Life is a bit like a superhero action comic, except that the superheroes are tiny children dressed in super-suits who possess no actual powers, while I just get them food, break up fights and clean their super-suits.

14 January 2012

Classifieds

Dare me? I really want to place the following Classified in our local paper. If you think I should, and if it's free or cheap, I think I will.

GIVEAWAY Ugly Christmas Tree. Impossible to make it look nice. Consistent performance: looks awful every year. Would suit decorator up for a challenge. Phone Givinya 0433 444 555. Please.

5 comments:

Givinya De Elba said...: ... unless I can find a taker right here, right now? Anyone? Anyone? (crickets.); 14 January, 2012 19:21
Givinya De Elba said...: Only of course, that's a fake phone number, just in case a reader IS interested. Don't call that. Comment or email ukuleleflyATgmailDOTcom.

(Oh, who am I kidding?); 14 January, 2012 19:58
Hippomanic Jen said...: I once heard of a classified advertisement that said something along the lines of "4 beautiful and 1 very ugly puppies giveaway to good homes". Apparently they gave away the "ugly" puppy 5 times.

Maybe it will work with the Christmas Tree.; 14 January, 2012 20:40
Swift Jan said...: Do it!!!

Although, from memory your christmas tree is nice and bushy.

Our tree is very spindly. We mask it by covering it in a million decorations ... mostly made by the children at school/kindy. It is lovely. (hear my sarcasm there?); 15 January, 2012 15:26
Emily Sue said...: I dare you. (And would want to see photographic evidence of the ad, obviously.); 15 January, 2012 18:10

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This is the story of me, Givinya de Elba, and my adventures with Mr de Elba, my children Buzz, Jessie, and Woody and our dog, Bullseye. We have plenty of good times, some weird times and a huge dose of drama.

Some of my posts are sad, lots are funny and sometimes I subject you to my pondering. We have our celebrations, when I write a decent poem I share it with you and when I'm held hostage, I do the occasional meme.

Other people who are special to me feature here too, some of them being my Dad, my Mum, my Crazy Sister (her blog), my Wee Brother and my good friend Hippomanic Jen (her blog).

I am a part-time speech pathologist, and try to cook, keep a garden alive and take photos that don’t make us look like we are pharmaceutically affected or dangerously homicidal.

I often suffer from Mumfail but I keep hanging on to the One who picks me up when I fall. If you email me, I’ll answer.

And if all that is too much, just read my “Best Of."

No, they didn't.

They called me Katherine.

I go by Kate.

I came up with the pseudonym Givinya de Elba in highschool and it was based on a joke from an episode of Dad's Army called 'A Soldier's Farewell.'

In the episode, after eating too much toasted cheese, Captain Mainwaring dreams he is Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo. I don't remember much about the episode other than Mainwaring telling his loyal men (Jones, Pike and Godfrey) that he has been exiled to the island of Elba.

Jones quips, "Hence the expression - Givin' ya the Elber!" (giving you the elbow, i.e., pushing you around.) I thought that Givinya de Elba was a half-decent pseudonym for someone who likes to joke and push people around, and I stuck with that.

My sweet niece ...

14 January 2012

Classifieds

5 comments: