16 January 2012

Can we do that again?

I have just had the BEST! FUN! EVAH! with a telephone scammer!  It's that scam that involves people with extremely heavy accents calling random people and asking about their computers.  Their first questions is to confirm that "you have the Windows operating system" and I believe that if you're gullible or even just clever and decide to string them along, they then attempt to get you to log on to a particular site and give them details.  I wouldn't know, as I never let them get that far.

I can't believe they are still trying this old one.  Everyone knows about them yet they still call at dinnertime and try their luck with you.  What's more amazing is I can't believe they don't have a database of people they have already called complete with black marks beside the names of the people who KNOW they are a scam and have called them out about it in the past, like I have on three separate occasions.

Usually the conversation goes down like this:

Caller:  Hello Madam, I am calling from [even more unintelligible] about your computer system in your home?  I believe you have the Windows Operating system?

Me, in an loud and accusing voice:  You're that SCAM, aren't you?!?

Caller: *click*

It would appear that I am on to them and perhaps shouldn't be called again, but alas, I continue to receive calls.  Mr de Elba always wishes that he was home to receive them because he is quite computer savvy and could string them along wonderfully, but it's always little ole me, and my only weapon is to say the word SCAM loudly and often.

Today's call was more fulfilling than the previous ones, because although I was obviously on to her and couldn't be persuaded she was legitimate, she kept ... on ... going!  It was dinnertime and the phone is close to the noise, but I really wanted to talk to the scammer so I took it outside and stood near the worm farm, which is where I conduct all my important business.  It's the only place where the children can't be heard (provided they don't follow me.)

Please bear in mind her accent was very strong.  It just made her punchline even funnier.

Caller:  Hello Ma'am, I am calling from [completely unintelligible] about the computer system in your home.  You have the Windows operating system?

Me:  I know you!  You're the SCAM that's all over the internet!

Caller:  Ma'am?  I am calling about your computer?  You have the Windows operating system?

Me:  Aha!  You can't possibly know that because I have never called you and you don't know me and you have no information whatever about the computer system in my home.  You're the SCAM everyone is talking about!

Caller:  Why are you saying I am a scam?  I am not a scam.  So you don't have a home computer?

Me, realising that if I denied I had a computer, this fun would be over with far too soon: Yes, I have a computer.

Caller: And you have the Windows operating system?

Me: See, that's how I know you're from that SCAM!

Caller, angrily: Okay, because you are saying I am a scam, I will have to write a formal complaint about you!

Me: Excellent!  And who will you complain to?  My MANAGER?

Caller: No, to the police.  I will put in a complaint to the police!

Me, wondering what offense I could possibly be charged under: Wonderful, I would love that!  You called me, so I assume you have my phone number and address!  Is there any other information you need to have?

Caller, irate: Ma'am, you are a BLOODY IDIOT!  You are a BLOODY IDIOT!  *click*

Which was, I think, the high point of 2012 for me so far.  Being called a bloody idiot in an extremely thick Indian accent by a scammer because I called her a scammer.  I am floating on clouds tonight!  I can do anything!  I am invincible!


Hippomanic Jen said...

That is a classic.

But what are you going to do when the cops arrive at your front door to charge you with ... err... whatever the official statutory charge is?

Givinya De Elba said...

I'd happily spend a night in the slammer for calling a scammer and scammer. Totally worth it!

tinsenpup said...

Oh, I love it when you manage to get them angry with you. My goal in life is to always get them to hang up on me in disgust.

Mamma has spoken said...

I've been getting e-mails that claim that they are a prince needing my help getting to their money. Yea, I'm going to send you my banking info....
Thanks to the 'do not call list' here in the states, we've not been getting these calls any more. Can't say that I miss them.....

Givinya De Elba said...

We have the "Do Not Call" list too but scammers don't follow the rules :-(

Andi said...

Ohmygoodness...Now THAT's funny!

And I feel as if I should whisper this, but I've never received such a call...

Now I feel a little left out!

Hairline Fracture said...

Hahaha! Of course she won't dare report you to the police. That's priceless.

Swift Jan said...

I take my hat off to you, congratulations!!

Love your work!

Tracy P. said...

Good grief! I hope that will get you off their list once and for all!

Emily Sue said...

I keep coming back to read this post because it cracks me up. :D

I told you this on Google Chat, but I'll repeat it because it's a great story. A friend of mine got the scam call and she played along for the whole thing, pretending she was clicking the things the guy said. Finally he asked her, "And what does it say on your screen now?" She replied, "It says you're a scammer and you should get a real job."


Jodie said...


I wish they'd call me. Maybe they do, and I just don't know about it because our home phone is broken and we haven't bothered fixing it for over a year.

Jodie said...

And I just LOVE that she prefaced the 'bloody idiot' with 'Ma'am'. Pure awesomeness!!!

Crazy Sister said...

Oh my goodness! That is priceless!

I still would have vomited after hanging up, though. Holy moly.

B said...


B said...

Hilarious. Truly.