Misery Town?

I've just been to Toowoomba and back. You know - the new town we're moving to just before Easter? I've been pretty excited about it recently, truth be told, having found a totally gorgeous house in a great location for our little family to move into.

But it seems that during the last few visits up there, I've come back miserable.

It all starts as we drive up the mountain range to get there. Driving from Ipswich, we've been bathed in bright warm sunlight and everything seems happy. Then as we approach the range, things change.

Now I can't draw, I don't have a camera, my phone takes poxy pictures and I can't Photoshop to save my life, so I've whacked this up in MS Paint. This is my representation of what one sees as one drives up the range towards our NEW HOME:



One minute we're driving along happily, bathed in sunlight, and five minutes later we're covered by a thickly overcast sky and often plunged into fog. In a way, it dampens the spirits.

This most recent visit was also made miserable by a visit to my new hospital to see a new team of doctors, none of whom know anything about my blood pressure. They certainly don't understand that yesterday's slightly elevated reading (which may be "high" for some people) was in fact "really quite good" for ME, particularly for ME SITTING IN FRONT OF A DOCTOR, which is one great trigger for high BP in the first place.

The same reading that my GP treats as "good for me at the doctor" turned into "grounds for closer monitoring" and now I feel like I'm on that steep slope towards too many tests and too much concern.

Aside:Because of the difficulty parking around the hospital, I spent an hour and a half walking around town waiting for a good time to be picked up.

Irony.

This would have been the first 90-minute period I've had for months in which I've had nothing to do. I'm not saying the first 90-minute period when I've been able to rationalise de-prioritise things I don't want to do. I mean that truly, I was in no position to do any washing, cleaning, childcare, work, NOTHING.

I have dreamed of this sort of situation for months. Of course the only thing I wanted to do was curl up and have a sleep but when you're walking around town, that isn't an option. My grumpy, tired, sore, overweight self decided that it was preferable at that stage to become a homeless person, just so that a quick nap on a bench would be appropriate.

Back to the Dissection of Misery:

I guess it comes down to this: I never feel so alone and unsupported as when I am pregnant. Each pregnancy has seen me shed countless unseen tears through sheer aloneness and emptiness at these times when the physical and emotional struggle has been the most exhausting.

And this time, all that comes with the sale of a house I have loved, the purchase of a house that I hope I will love, and moving a houseload of stuff to a new town. Along with changing doctors and hospitals and churches and friends ... as if the current ones are disposable.

When I feel like this, I need to surround myself with positive, cheery people. They help so much when my own cheer and positivity wears thin. It's just that I'm leaving all my positive people behind me. I haven't found new ones yet.

So here's my plan: We take our OWN sunshine up there with us, and make our OWN joy. I bet we'll find that the sun does actually shine of its own accord and joy already exists there, but it's a great plan just in case, don't you think?