05 January 2009

Settled and Happy

God has seemed awfully silent and distant for weeks. The last time I remember really being "with" Him was just before news of this Toowoomba job. I seemed to be getting confirmation every day that this is exactly where he wanted us, and that he had provided this house, Sonny's new kindy, our local school, and everything else for us. I had such a sense of His provision in those days.

Since the decision was made to move us to Toowoomba, I have lost all sense of communing with Him. Where has He gone? I miss Him. It has become a habit to "hang out" with Him, most often done when I'm in the kitchen trying to clean the uncleanable and tidy the untidyable. He always seems to watch me work there.

Not recently. And I've been doing my daily readings, trying to find something from Him that might give me an indication that He's still beside me, happy in some slight way that I've agreed to the move despite being shrouded in tears.

Last night I read a few things that seemed to comfort me, even though they're not really in context. I usually worry about things being out of context, but I'm going to take this for what it is.

Firstly, I had to catch up on the reading for Saturday because I spent all that night in tears. The "Respond" bit said this:

What difficulties do you face today? Before you tell God about them, first focus on him, reminding yourself of his greatness and goodness. Ask him to reveal himself to you, then pray about any and every problem you're facing.

But He didn't reveal Himself to me, and I felt lonely in an I-Miss-My-God sort of way.

But then yesterday's reading was from Psalm 113. It was one of those joyful 'Praise the Lord' ones, and the ending was about God's care for the poor and needy. The final verse seemed to be for me, although I am not a barren woman and neither poor nor needy in the sense it was written.

He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of her children.
Praise the Lord. (Ps 113:9)

If that's for me, then that's very good. He will lead us to the home he has for us, and we will settle there. I like that word: settle. It's the lack of it that has had me in tears. Will He really settle me? Settled. I like that thought. I need to be settled by May-ish, and the long and convoluted reasons for this can wait for another post.

Then it says "as a happy mother". Oh my, that's exactly what I want to be again. I dream of having our own place, being settled and being happy!

Please pray for us, that God will lead us to the place He has for us, and that we will be settled and happy.


Sassy Britches said...

Prayer said. And another one will come tonight before bed.

I think that out-of-context is never really out of context. With God, EVERYTHING is in context, in my mind.

bfs said...

A beautiful post. Angels around you. ♥♥♥

Heather said...

Prayers being said now and ongoing for you and yours. Sorry my crap internet cut out before mid-chat; we're doing an initial upload of ALL our files to an online back-up service that has made things at best grindingly slow and at worst, disconnected. Argh.

I have felt the way you feel now before, most recently when we were trying to conceive and things were very much not working. I thought *that* was the darkest point in my life - here I was just aching to be a mother, and nothing was working and my very body was losing the pregnancies I was so wanting, and I felt utterly forsaken and alone. Little did I realize that there were much darker times ahead, but *then* I did feel God with me, thankfully, which was truly the lowest point.

Um, not sure how that is supposed to be of any help or comfort, now that I think of it - I certainly in no way mean to say that "hey, buck up, WORSE times are ahead for you and *then* you'll find Him again." I truly don't mean that at all. I guess what I want to say is that I've been there and that I know that we are not truly ever deserted or forsaken, and He is with us even when we can't feel Him there.

Okay, I'm going to stop now. This is turning into the worst comment ever. Sorry - hugs and prayers and I'm shutting up!

CynthiaK said...

While I'm not religious, I do believe I understand that sense of wanting to be "settled". And, I'm very sure that it will indeed happen for you. There is a lot of strength, love, joy and humour in your posts on this blog and I just know that good things are in store for you. Good karma will always come around.

Life With Jack said...

I am writing this with tears streaming down my face. Right now I wished I lived in Australia so we could talk about this face-to-face! We moved to Minnesota because we truly felt that was where God was calling us. In all honesty, I am definitely not happy here. We are far away from family, the weathers are horrendous and I'm not crazy about our house. But I still hold on to the thread of hope that God has us here for a reason...even though most days it doesn't show. Like I said on my blog, I am learning that God is never silent. He's always working, although we might not see or feel Him. And it may be that we just don't like the answer He's giving us.

The verse you shared couldn't have come at a better time for me. :) I am praying for you!

Hippomanic Jen said...

Hey, kiddo. I get the wanting to be settled thing. I get the hating to be unsettled thing. I'm praying that Happiness and Settledness are just around the corner for you. Love and a Prayer. Jen.

Jen said...

That is really beautiful. I sure will pray for you so you can feel settled once again. Between that verse you quoted and your verse of the day, it really spoke to me. Thank you.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

I wish i had answers and wonderful words of encouragement... the only thing that kept running though my head when I was reading your post was "God's timing is perfect".....

You're in my prayers.

Joy in the Burbs... said...

Oh, girl, I'm sorry your hurting so bad. I'm praying along with you. I think you are right in context with your scripture. Just keep pounding those keys and working thru this and praying thru it. Remember David in Psalm 142:2-3 I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way.
Keep pouring it out before Him. I'll be here still following your blog. I want to see what God is going to do with all of this.
Praying your heart will feel settled soon,

Le @ third on the right said...

hello dear one ... your god is there baby - I don't do god on a personal level but I know from reading you that your faith is well and real and substainal.

The distance you are experiencing seems damn normal to me - given the stress you are currently under.

I hope I am not crossing the line here, but my one mantra in times of trouble is 'this too shall pass'

Just that one thought makes me get up and go again - add chocolate and it is fool proof.

My biggest hugs le

Hairline Fracture said...

I will pray for you. At church, the Sunday school lesson was about God's timing. One guy made a great point: sometimes it's easier to feel God is good when things are going well. When we're struggling, we feel he doesn't care. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I believe he does have a plan for you to be settled and happy. *hugs*

Tracy P. said...

My prayer for you is that as your perspective of God shifts from close up to distant for this moment in your life, it will enable you to see more of Him, and in new ways than ever before--so that as He draws you close again in time you will trust Him more than you once thought possible.

Louisa said...

Oh WOW. So been there. Feeling like God wants you to be somewhere and the it being sooooooooooooo incredibly hard. Yup. Trust God, Trust the way you hear Him and know that we're upholding you in prayer. For me, in tough times I can't pray but knowing that others are is awesome...God hears. We're praying, keep writing. We're here for you!