25 January 2009

Nie is crying

Long story short:

  • In August, SITS directed us to Nie's blog and told us she and her family needed prayer. So I went.
  • Nienie, or Nie for short, is the nickname of Stephanie Nielson, a wife and mother of four who lives in Utah.
  • The day before, she was blogging about normal life. The day I met her blog, she had just been involved in a light plane crash which killed the pilot and left her and her husband Christian fighting for life.
  • Updates were available on her sister C-Jane's blog for a while, but they were few and far between. The children were looked after by C-Jane and other sisters.
  • Nie's family started re-posting her old posts on her blog while she was recovering. I learned that Nie, while living in a different country and following a different faith to mine, was a lot like me, and also a lot like who I would like to be.
  • I know I will never be just like her because she has things going for her that I never will have. But that's okay. I could do with becoming a little more Nielike every day.
  • She stayed in my thoughts all these long months, then her husband left a Christmas message on her blog. He was up and about, Nie was still recovering. So many months.
  • Then last week, a message on her blog said she would be returning and so she did, blogging every day when she could.
  • She still sounds joyful. Happy to be alive, not sad about the crash and the burns which cover so much of her body.

And then I read her recent post detailing her morning routine. Step 6 was "cry/pray" and Step 13 was "Shower/cry/pray."

I can't imagine how anyone would go through this devastation without a good deal of crying. I know I wouldn't. But somehow, to me, Nie seems unflappable. She seems to be the sort of woman who can bear any disaster with a smile, a prayer and plenty of cuddles with her kids and all the devoted, selfless, caring, attentive, LOVE she gets every day from Christian, who she calls Mr Nielson (so lucky to have each other, no wonder she is [usually] so happy!). I was so sad to hear she cries. I guess I knew there must have been tears, but to read on her blog that she really cries, she really really does cry, well it made me cry too.

And then at the end of her list of things to do each morning she said, "Tomorrow you should hear bedtime list. It involves WAY more crying."

Now I am so sad for her, and I understand that I make you all sad when I tell you that I've been crying. I should stop telling you about the crying, and I should start finding nice things to post about. Well, I know that most days, I can't actually find much to post about when the day has been so sad, but I guess I could make something up or post a funny picture? What do you think?

Poor Nie. She's crying just like me.


Crazy Sister said...

Poor Nie. Poor you. We still want to hear about your life, sad or not.

You will be properly happy again! Hang in there for a while yet.

stefanie said...

You find Nie's story compelling because she is honest. I find your honesty compelling too.

Why shouldn't you say what you want to here? If you are sad and it makes you happier to be silly for a while, then do that. If you are sad and you feel the need cry and talk about it, then do that. If you feel the need to just be still and silent, then do that. When you are at a time of your life where you are not crying (soon, I hope for your sake), you should still feel free to write what is best for you. It's your blog, and I don't think anyone who reads should dictate your content.

Visiting someone's blog is to me as simple as the question, "How are you?" I ask because I want to know. I don't want the answer you think is easiest to hear, or prettiest. I want the answer that is true. Please feel free to be you. I, for one, am devoted.

Crazy Sister said it better and in fewer words...

Femina said...

I think you should be honest about where you're at. Sometimes there's crying. Sometimes there's a lot of crying. It's your life and this is your space and you don't have to put up funny pictures to entertain us if you're feeling crap. If you WANT to do that because it helps you, then fine. But if it's just because you are afraid your readers won't like hearing about the sads, that's another matter.

I read this blog to find out about you and your life. If you want to post a joke or a funny story, that's great, but if you aren't in a place where you can do that right now, I want to know about that too, so I can pray and try to be supportive (in a faceless internet kind of way...). If people don't like what you're posting they can go somewhere else. You aren't paid to entertain us and you shouldn't compromise YOUR space for what you think your readers want to hear. Do what helps YOU, not us!

Sassy Britches said...

I could not put it more eloquently than the three (possibly more now) previous commenters. This is your space; you are not here to entertain us. Do what feels right to you, whenever and however it feels right to YOU. We will be here no matter what. Why? Because we are invested in your well-being.

CynthiaK said...

I am in total agreement with the commenters above. This blog is for you to express yourself in whatever way you need to each day. You don't have to be in the same mood all the time (is anyone?) and you most certainly shouldn't be afraid to post about your less happy moments. Your readers are here because we love to read about your life, good, bad and hilarious!

bfs ~ "Mimi" said...

Yes, don't cheat us out of knowing and loving YOU!

I had a friend a long time ago who was absolutely all the time positive; always looked on the brightest side of things; I loved her so much.

I did not feel positive all of the time, but I found myself always trying to say the "right" thing to her, always sounding positive. After two years of trying so hard to 'be' who I thought she wanted me to be and saying what I thought she wanted to hear ~ we both moved away to different states, so we wrote letters.

I discovered I was still trying to write things I thought she would want to read. When all was said and done, she never knew me; nor did I know her.

I discovered a couple of years ago that my friend had a total personality break-down, and I never knew it. She lost her faith; lost her family.

I don't know what happened, except maybe no one knew her, how she was hurting all along. She kept trying to show that positive side, perhaps. Never let anyone in to the hurt.

Let us know you and help you and hold you up. There will come a day that you feel better, and you can do the holding then. Until then, we're out here for you.

Hippomanic Jen said...

Ditto to all above.

Louisa said...

Ditto from me too. This post is beautiful hun, your a gorgeous woman!

Dee from Downunder said...

Its your blog (party) and you can cry if you want to.....

We all cry, sometimes a lot, sometimes not so much, over big things, little things,funny things, dumb things, things we wonder why we are crying at all about.. sometimes we tell people about it, sometimes not. Your honesty is great. Crying is healthy. Here's a cyber kleenex for the next time [_]
You are not alone.

Crazy Sister said...

I love the cyber kleenex box, Dee!

I've always liked what our friend Peter sometimes says: "How are you going?" (fine) "Ok, now how are you REALLY going?"

musing said...

Sometimes we just need to cry.