24 August 2008

How Can Sleeping Go Wrong?

We have a Queen-Size bed. If you're like us, you'll understand that some couples have to negotiate this joint sleeping arrangement after years of sleeping by themselves in single beds. When you're sleeping in a single bed, it's pretty easy to work out where to sleep. You arrange your body like this:

Or if you're a man, like this (it's a protective thing, I think):

Not too hard to work out who sleeps where. But once you're a couple, you have to negotiate who sleeps where on something that's the size of this: Not easy. It was my Mum who first alerted me to these hazards. She is quite small and my father is, I think, decended from giants, so their sleeping arrangement has often been like this over the years:
A hug is nice before you drift off, but for catching some serious "Z"s, we prefer an "Individual Freestyle" sleep formation. If you can successfully intermingle bodies and limbs while also getting a good night's sleep, by all means knock yourself out. But in the world of Individual Freestyle Sleep, I think that this is how a successful Co-Sleeping arrangement should work:
But last night, I was having trouble sleeping. This was due to a few things: I have been sick for a week now and was having trouble breathing, I was absolutely furious about something from yesterday and had apparently decided to spend some precious hours ruminating instead of sleeping, and also because this was the sleeping arrangement:Perhaps this picture isn't totally representative, because when it comes to my body, objects are larger than they appear.

Does anyone else find it hard to get the space you need if you share a bed?

And what about when kids come along? You dream that when they come in and snuggle with you in the morning, it will be a little bit like this:

But we know this to be untrue. In actual fact, it's more like this:

28 comments:

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

Oh, ain't that the truth?
Our kids don't come snuggle in bed with us any more, and I'm lucky that J is a wall-hugger, and not a bed-hog at all.
No, my issue is dogs! Small dogs, but a bunch of them. All over the bed. They're sweet but sometimes they drive me loco!

Lynda said...

What a great post! I love the illustrations - they are priceless. I agree with Dysfunctional Mom - make one with some animals in it.

WheresMyAngels said...

Oh I love that, but HOW the HELL do you sleep in a Queen bed? A king bed is still too small for us. If it was my family, you would see my four year old with her head by her fathers and her feet in my face!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Almost perfect - my children always end up horizontal drapped across me.

Adelaine said...

Absolutely LOVE this! I agree - it needs some animals. For us, it is a male cat down by my husband's feet that "causes" him to lay diagonally. Oh, and the children must be horizontal or turned 180 degrees. That is how Tres prefers to position herself. :)

Jen said...

Ok, first this post is hilarious! I am so impressed. I don't know how you did this but it is really, really cool.
Second, I totally agree with you. I have this imaginary line that when Jeff crosses it, I feel all smooshed and smothered. He thinks I am crazy b/c we have a king size bed and you would think that it is enough space but no. I am constantly pushing him over more and more.
Lastly, don't even get me started on when the kids join in the bed. Sleeping is over, it is now time for playing and big jumps.


Oh and I am so flattered by your side bar, Quote of the Year, huh!?! I am so blushing, thanks.

Tracy P. said...

That is a scream, and SO true! Those husbands that think they have to come find us (pronounce that confine us) because they think we're lost or something. Sweetly annoying.Thing is, mine stays there when the kids come, and do you think they go to all that blank space over on the other side of Dad? It's no wonder I'm a little claustrophobic.

Heather of the EO said...

that was so funny. SO funny.
I do not like anyone to touch me when I'm sleeping. DO NOT.
Luckily the kids don't add to the mix. But we too have a queen and it's STILL not enough.
I would prefer my husband would be far enough away that I wouldn't be able to hear the snoring or feel his breath if we happen to face the same way.
He has no clue. He's the hard sleeper. I'm the if-you-happen-to-move-slightly-toward-me
I-will-poke-you sleeper.
Such a great post.
Have you joined Bloggers Annex yet? You have great stuff. If you want to check it out, there's a link on my blog (right side bar)

Zip n Tizzy said...

I can SO relate to this! My children have been taking over lately. My husband said to me this morning that he felt so rested having finally slept. I said that I was glad he'd slept, I was juggling children all night. He thought it was so weird that he'd slept through the whole thing. I could understand why he had considering that the kids were each sharing one half of my body as their bed.
I think I might start sleeping on the couch!

Swift Jan said...

HAHAHAHA I can totally relate....

Sunangel said...

Absolutely hilarious. My husband can manage to hog a king size bed! And if I try to sleep with my 11 yr old and no husband, I head to the couch! Love the stick figures.

Hippomanic Jen said...

Love the post. Love the illustrations.

Unfortunately I must confess to being the beg hogger myself. Poor Hubby.

Mind you, he is built like a broomstick and doesn't NEED the space. Or at least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Shelley said...

This post is soo true. Our little ones are not so little anymore and I remember the days when we did co-share and all the times my butt hung over the edge of the bed because DH would not give up one speck of his bed space. But I am laughing and I love the illustrations.

RainyPM said...

This was hilarious. :) Our illustration looks like me shivering with cold on the very edge of our queen-size bed while my 7-month old crowds right up next to me (probably for warmth). Then on the far away other side of the bed is my husband curled up with all of the blankets.

Thanks for the laughs! I found you through a link on PsycheMama's site.

Hippomanic Jen said...

This post needs to be added to your "Great Posts" sidebar.

Crazy Sister said...

Oh man, definitely put this on your "Great Posts" Sidebar. That is totally hilarious. I would need my long hair to be added in to my picture - wrap it under my husband's armpit as he rolls over, or put one kid lying on my hair as the other is pushing a book into my face.

Sheri said...

I can SO appreciate this! Up until a couple of months ago, I had NEVER spent the night since becoming an adult WITH someone. It's taking some getting used to . . . and thankfully it's still a once-a-week thing!

Joy in the Burbs... said...

This is my first visit to your site and boy I'm glad I came. Love this sleeping blog. We are definitely "freestyle sleepers" in our kingsize bed. We can't so much pinky touch during the night. My kids have about outgrown coming down for those middle of the night visits, BUT, my Schnauzer comes scratching anytime there is thunder and lighting during the night. It's funny, I can sleep just find with her pried up against me. But if "you know who" is touching me - Totally messes up my sleeping rhythm.

BGSydneyside said...

Oh, I love this post. So very funny! In our house its always been me who hogs the bed. My husband always complains when I do "the starfish" pose, or when I warm my cold feet on his legs!
love the pictures ;)
Belinda

Alexandra P said...

Hello! visiting from WTBAY... in our house, he's the bed hog but apparently I'm the doona hog. I deny this, but lately he's been attempting "strategic doona hogging" before I even go to sleep... =D Very funny post - thanks!

Leslie said...

Oh this is SO good! Love it - great post! :)

Tina (mummifiedx5) said...

Visiting from WTBAY...this is a great post! I can totally relate to the "snuggling" with kids. Our 19mth old insists on sleeping between us and likes to take up most of the bed while DH and I hang on to the sides so we don't fall off!

Dee said...

I love this post, very clever!

And so true.

I used to be nearly totally off the bed, it was pathetic.

Joce said...

That's the cutest little blog illustration post I've ever seen! Now I'm not a co-habiting sleeper so I cannot attest to the truth of it, but I can imagine how right you are!! ;)

Joce said...

That's the cutest little blog illustration post I've ever seen! Now I'm not a co-habiting sleeper so I cannot attest to the truth of it, but I can imagine how right you are!! ;)

Louisa said...

LOVE THIS POST!!!!

Le @ Third on the Right said...

This is sooooo funny - you are v clever !! I am with you - a freestyle sleeper - and yes that is how we end up with the wee lads in bed - AUUGHHHH _ am going to link to this as this needs to be shared - hugs le

CGDK said...

Hi there, love your words and pics...shall be back again for longer visit,I look forward to reading more!