The first week of school holidays has been and gone, leaving me gasping for air. Three highly-assertive young children and a husband still at work is quite a joyride. With a little less "joy" and a whole lot more "ride." In addition to that, I feel like I deserve a holiday myself. If only my maid was a little more productive when I step down from my daily tasks ... oh wait, she's imaginary. That explains it.
When I decide to treat myself to some time off and have a little rest in my comfy chair in my sunny corner, it looks a little different to how I imagine it. The way I imagine it is pretty much the way you imagined it when you read that, and to be honest, it does start out well. I get comfortable in my chair in the sun with a warm blanket over me and a Samurai Sudoku on my iPad. Soon, things take a turn for the worse. Woody clambers up to sit to the left of me and takes my iPad, insisting he needs to play Monkey Preschool Lunchbox. Jessie clambers up to sit on the right of me and makes Woody mad by "helping" him play Monkey Preschool Lunchbox. Buzz then sits on the left arm of the chair, making Woody scream loudly at having his personal space invaded. Buzz takes the iPad off the other two and while they are both screaming, he sets up a game of Tic Tac Toe. The three of them attempt to play a two-player game of Tic Tac Toe across my lap, but three children don't play two-player games very well. Woody's technique is to stab repeatedly at the screen, randomly assigning nought-cross-nought-cross-nought-cross until he has lost the game for one of his siblings, who gets very angry at Woody, who gets so angry in return that he is unable to play for a little while. This allows Buzz and Jessie to play a two-player game together. Jessie doesn't understand the turn-taking nature of the game, and once Buzz has assigned his first cross and she has done her first nought, she decides to do a second one quickly to get the edge on Buzz. What she doesn't realise is that the game is now going to place a cross in her second square, making her mad because she wanted two noughts in a row, and making Buzz mad because that's not where he wanted to put his cross. At this point I then decide to get up out of the armchair, because I'm having The Worst Rest Ever. And I find that I am firmly pinned under the blanket by the bodies of three small and angry children, and I cannot leave.
There are many things I should have done this week but didn't, one of which was write down the funny things I've heard my little guys saying so I can blog them later. Sometimes it's been hilarious but mostly it's just odd everyday conversations that, if I remember to write them down, will always remind me of what it was like living with Buzz (6), Jessie (4) and Woody (nearly 2). Conversations like:
Jessie, shouting from the other end of the house: "BUZZ! THE WOT-WOTS ARE ON!!!"
- no reply -
Jessie: "BUZZ! THE WOT-WOTS!"
Me: "Hey Buddy, it sounds like Jessie is telling you that the Wot-Wots are on."
It was funny at the time.
This morning Mr de Elba pointed to a scruffy filthy old nylon hat on the kitchen table.
Me, looking at it: "No, I think it's actually an old one from the dress-ups box."
- pause -
Me: "But it's a fair question."
Both roll about laughing. Sorry Mum and Dad.
Roll on Week Two of holidays. I'm going to put my iPad away until it's over.