31 March 2011

La-Lo, and why I don't blog often

Woody came down the hallway, shouting at me.  It's the language that he speaks.  When I emerged, he saw me and started screaming and pointing towards the kitchen, squatting low for emphasis.  It sounded urgent.

Buzz had not taken his toys away, and Jessie had not smothered him with cuddles. In order to tell me what had happened, Woody led me to the kitchen bench.  I saw that he had pushed Jessie's chair up to the bench (!) and was now climbing up to where the kettle was (!) while gesturing towards the Milo tin and and screaming desperately, "La-Lo!  La-Lo!"

He wanted Milo, and had found that he couldn't make it himself, the poor little dear.  That was what was causing him such distress.

I was happy for him to have a drink of warm Milo, but to reinforce that I am the Milo-getter, I took the chair and child away, and hit the button on the kettle.

It took three seconds to boil.

Meaning it has been very recently boiled.

My 20 month old baby boiled the kettle to make himself some Milo.

Now this, I thought once my heart rate had returned to normal, was a bloggable moment.  But I hesitated to blog it, because a common fear had arisen.  "People are going to criticise me," I thought, "for allowing a universe in which Woody could push a chair up to a bench and access a kettle, even though he's never given any indication that he would think about it."

And this is why my blogging has been so patchy recently.  You can hardly fail to have noticed that I don't post as often, and I can pretty confidently say it is because of the horrible people out there on the Internet.  I have no fear of people wanting to find out our identities and hunt us down, but I do fear the thing that can never hurt me - words.

I've seen some ghastly things said about other bloggers, and I've had some dodgy things said to me on my blog.  All of it slices through me and leaves me wanting to retreat.

For instance I recently re-read an old post where baby Woody had been bitten by Jessie during a fight between Jessie and Buzz which took place in Woody's cot.  In response to the fact that something bad happened this one day that Buzz and Jessie climbed into the cot, some dastardly anonymous commenter had written, and I am not kidding,

"And what are you going to do to stop them climbing into his cot again?"

I know you're finding it hard to believe.  It's true.  Someone truly thought it appropriate to indicate that the whole thing would not have happened if I had somehow secured the area properly (true but outrageous) and that I should have foreseen all of this even though they always played so nicely together before (absolute lunacy.)

I don't know how someone so foolish even came to my blog.  I don't usually attract that element.  I usually get sound, sensible people like you.

And here we are with another domestic absurdity.  What will people say about this, I wonder?  That perhaps I should have foreseen the possibility that Woody would one day use that heavy chair to get to that bench to switch on that kettle? And perhaps I should have taken steps like:
► putting that specific chair into storage?
► selling my kettle?
► never allowing him to watch me make Milo?
► binding his legs together so he wasn't mobile?

Well, just in case you're wondering, that's exactly what I've done.  The chair and the kettle have gone and whatwasIgoingtousethemforanyway, and I have a blindfold near the bench so he can't ever see me doing anything.  I also have some strong ropes handy.  Just in case.

I only mention this in case anyone reading is thinking of blasting me because Woody tried to make himself a warm Milo.

(Seriously, would I be safe to blog more? I would love to, but fear a 'Killing A Fly Without Pity' site popping up somewhere.)

(Which, incidentally, is exactly how I kill flies.  Without Pity.)


Emily Sue said...

The 'delete' button is your friend. If I don't like a comment I delete it straight away, without remorse. My blog is MY space, and no one gets to make it an unhappy place for me.

I would love to see you blog more, and I frankly can't believe that people have the bloody temerity to criticise you on YOUR blog. Geez. This is why I have a love-hate relationship with the internet.

G3 said...

Seriously? There are really such perfect parents out there whose children are so bubble wrapped as to never be exposed to danger? Or fun? Good grief. Want to hear a confession? Peter once fished my RAZOR out of Noah's mouth. I'd shaved my legs in the bath and - for the first time ever - completely forgot to put back up out of reach. Thank goodness Peter was supervising the bath and got it out before it did any damage. Thank goodness you got to Woody before he'd actually made his Milo. We do the best we can. And our kids are A&MH ;-)

Tracy P. said...

Wow. I can honestly say that no one has been so rude on my blog. Yes, delete. Only God can protect our kids because how can we know what they will think of next?

Keep blogging! We love Woody. We love Milo. (Or hot chocolate in our case, but we get it.) We can't possibly blame him. Or you.

Heather said...

Oh, as though strong ropes and a blindfold are going to be enough? And you call yourself a mother! Tsk tsk! You very clearly aren't planning to do enough. Children should be kept drugged and locked in tiny, plastic storage bins at all times to prevent them from harming themselves. Opaque bins, at that - don't want them in clear bins where they might see you doing something they could potentially mimic and thereby hurt themselves. But *obviously* you'll want to poke lots of air holes in the top (just not so large as a finger, toe or nose could get stuck in them, of course).


(Okay, just to be crystal clear here, the above was said ENTIRELY IN JEST. AHEM.)

My initial thought was to applaud Woody on his fantabulous thought processes and skills in attempting to fix himself some Milo independently. He is quite clearly extremely bright. My almost-eight-year-old has never attempted to independently fix herself anything more complex than a cup of water.

Jen said...

Sure some people might think this is bad but I think its brilliant. Just look at what a smart little toddler you have. :)

veiledturnip said...

It's so sad when people act as though they (and their children) are perfect and nothing has ever happened in their lives to prove otherwise. I like reading stories like yours above because it makes my family look more normal! I must say what a clever boy he is - and yes, if my daughter wanted to, she too could easily do the same thing - despite "the line" (which she is not allowed to cross to enter the kitchen) - maybe my line should be an electrified fence?! Hmmm...maybe that's taking it too far!

Dawn said...

Anybody who has an idea of how to keep children from doing exactly what they want at any given time in spite of rigorous supervision has obviously never had children who were adventurous and inquisitive and bright!

Jodie said...

Now that woody has talent and an awesome recall memory!
I am no one to judge becase at 18months I was rushing my son to the Drs for pulling a boiling cup of tea of the bench. Than 2 weeks later the nearest hospital, whilst we were away on holdidays, becuase he fell of a chair he had climbed.
These crazy little things happen in the best of families. (oh and last week at 2.5 he worked out how to open the child proof deck gate by positioning the deck chairs just right and leaning over.)
These boys have talent beyond our beliefe and every day I wish he would stop growing up so fast!

Anonymous said...

One very smart kid!

My kids have grown up, despite the first born running me ragged in his first 18 months as I lifted things out of reach of a rolling baby at 3 months, crawling at 6 months, pulling himself up at 6 months, running and climbing at 12 months ... the ladder to roof level on one occasion, and that was on a ladder with the bottom two rungs missing, the next one being over his head!

Anyone who brings up kids will have their own heart stopping moments ... if they don't they lie.

Judy B

tinsenpup said...

I hear you. I really do. I don't just worry about negative voices, but about those negative voices with their aberrant thinking deciding that they don't like the way I choose to raise my children and making nuisance reports to government bodies, etc. My children shouldn't have to deal with that kind of rubbish, just because their mother thinks it's fun to tell stories on the Internet.

I just think Woody's a genius and since what little I know about you from your blog tells me that you're not a complete idiot, I can pretty much rest assured that you've got the situation well in hand without the need for helpful comments from me like, "Why do some ignorant parents persist in risking their precious babies' lives by cluttering up their houses with dangerous chairs, tables, etc? Wake up, people! Furniture kills! Some people don't deserve children!"

Thought-provoking post!

The Accidental Housewife said...

Wow, how clever is Woody! Bet that freaked you out though!
If you do decide to mak your blog private, make sure you send me the key... I still love to lurk and read, even if I'm too busy dragging my toddler off the roof to post ;)

Crazy Sister said...

That was a weird anonymous comment. I wonder what they imagined you could do?

I briefly considered wrapping chicken wire over the top of our cot.

But then I realised I was insane.

BGSydneyside said...

Please, please keep blogging! We love your blog, and your family, and your clever little Woody!
I'm so sorry that people who don't understand real-life with kids are putting you off blogging.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about some issues she is having with her daughter and she said she doesn't talk about it often, because when she has in the past people have been really judgemental. I wish people would stop judging all you lovely Mum's who do such a great job taking care of your families! It's sad when people can't share serious or funny things happening with their families because of how people react.

Anyway, that's my rant :)
Please keep blogging!

Anna said...

Independence and problem solving are excellent qualities for a small person to have. What an amazing adult he will grow to be.

CraftyMummy said...

I'm totally with Emily Sue - delete until your heart's content on your own blog and feel no guilt at all!

I think you're a great mum, just for the record, and that is based on seeing you in action, not reading your hilarious blog posts.

Anonymous said...

I once had to climb to the top of a windmill to retrieve my 2 year old who had climbed up. Well, that isn't exactly true. I climbed the windmill to sit beside said child until my husband, who was on a tractor in the field saw us, came and rescued both of us. I have a great fear of heights and couldn't figure out how to carry a toddler and myself down without looking down. Said child is now 44, so we managed to survive his and his 2 sisters childhoods.

Andi said...

When my youngest was 3 she burned some hamburger I was thawing in the microwave until it was a piece of charcoal. I had started it thawing, then in true me fashion went to sit on the back porch to read...And she heard the microwave beep and added a gazillion minutes to it...I walked in the house to a cloud of smoke. What makes this worse? She had even walked out while I was reading and said "it's stinky in there." And I ignored her.

So there. Top that. I nearly let my 3 year old burn down the house because I couldn't put down a book!

Swift Jan said...

I had some complete fool comment on my blog post about Connor's snake bite (12 months ago) that Brown snakes are only poisenous to mice and that they are infact not dangerous to humans. Seriously! I wish I could have slapped whoever it was....

Anyway! Young Woody is so clever!! I bet you are thankful that he didn't figure out how to pour the hot water! I can relate to a mischievious (sp?) 20 month old! I found mine sucking on the paint brushes at playgroup today... made for an interesting nappy this afternoon LOL