13 July 2010

Professor Branestawm's Inventions

I don't know what's going on here, but I'm ready for it to stop.  Last night I gave Buzz and Jessie one chocolate biscuit each after dinner and took them and Woody grocery shopping.

The chocolate biscuit must have done it.

Five minutes after the biscuits hit their tummies, their behaviour went wild!  Buzz and Jessie ran around the shop, under people's feet and in front of the trolley.  They zig-zagged wildly as they laughed and giggled their way across my path and then out of view, only to run under the feet of every shopper in the store.  I employed every single tactic short of spanking, but I was unable to rein them in because I am loathe to 'go postal' at the shops.  Someone could video me on their phone and once on Youtube, it could go viral.  Then of course my life would be over.

It was mortifying.  They are not normally like this.

Ever since then, Buzz, Jessie and Woody have been behaving wildly.  It's been 24 hours now, and I'm beginning to wonder how long it will last.  By the way, the vile hallucinogen that caused this outrage is pictured below as a warning for all parents wanting to avoid similar lunacy:


I've found their behaviour very difficult to manage while they go through what I can only assume must be withdrawal.  Hence, at dinnertime I was forced to sit them at the table, give them paper and felt pens and ask them to draw me picture after picture after picture to keep them from killing each other or waking up Woody or committing a vile atrocity, the likes of which I have not yet imagined.

In the end, I asked Buzz to draw me (for he LOVES inventions) a Pancake-Making Invention.  I'd had an inspiration - I'd remembered a book I read about twenty years ago called "The Incredible Adventures of Professor Branestawm" by Norman Hunter.  Well, to tell the truth, I found the story a bit too slow for my Famous Five-loving mind, but I did spend ages poring over one picture: the professor's Pancake-Making Machine.  And for some reason, it had popped into my mind and I'd decided to ask Buzz to draw his version, and compare the two.

Google didn't fail me.  I present you with Professor Branestawm's Pancake-Making Machine:
Note the mixing tub, the flipping mechanism and the lemon squeezing device.  Buzz, whose own invention was a conveyor belt for cupcakes, found the Professor's version fascinating and recounted to Mr de Elba later some of the details of how it works.

When searching for the above, I also found the Professor's invention for Peeling Potatoes...

...and his Shower-Bath creation which he demonstrates with a desperately miserable look on his face:

In light of this, I thought of making my own dishwashing invention, but decided it was too far-fetched.
Buzz and Jessie drew their pictures, dinner was cooked and served and baby Woody looked like he was going to sleep through dinner and keep on going until the morning.

He didn't, however, and after the craziness of getting Jessie and Buzz into and out of the shower and into pyjamas (all the while bouncing off the walls) Woody woke up, ate a load of soup, and promptly demonstrated what happens when a small child has a little too much prune juice.

I tell you, I don't know what's going on here, but I'm ready for it to stop.


Emily Sue said...

I see you found your blogging mojo. Under the couch? It's always the last place you look...

Swift Jan said...

My two went mental like that after a drink of evil blue cordial last week. Your fear of blue colouring seems logical to me now! Took about 48 hours for it to get out of their systems!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

It is AMAZING what can happen to kids!!

So did they totally crash??

Ro Magnolia said...

Clearly there is only one solution that will prevent this kind of mahem in the future ... eat all the chocolate biscuits yourself!!!

Crazy Sister said...

Or give the biscuits to your sister! To be fair, though, that kind of shopping behaviour comes and goes for no reason whatsoever. I love your fear of someone putting it on YouTube to go viral! And don't forget every aisle usually has a security camera.

I love your stick pictures, no matter how far-fetched they are. And many sympathies about the prune juice baby.

veiledturnip said...

You certainly post a good argument for only having one child! :) Hope they ease up on you soon.