19 December 2011

Legs Eleven! Knees Zero-Zero!

I was playing keys at church yesterday.  There would have been 700-800 people there, and when I play I try not do anything that would make a spectacle of myself.

After much joking among the band regarding how bad/good/fantastic it would be if one day, someone would fall in the baptismal tank while negotiating their entry or exit from the stage, and also after choosing some extremely unwise wedges that hurt my legs and feet, made my toes numb and made walking difficult, I managed NOT to disgrace myself in this manner.

I curbed the worst effects of my Bad Hair Day, I wore a red shirt and I chose a straight denim skirt that came to just above the knee.  I was certain that up on stage there was no danger of flashing anyone, even when the skirt rode up a little as I perched on my stool (I can't stand and pedal because of this.)

I thought I was safe until the pastor, having delivered his message from the stage, moved down onto the steps at the front to say something very serious and important just before the final song.

Hang on, I thought.  I am always quite aware of the line of sight from the video recorder, through the spot where the pastor is standing, to the band behind.  It seemed that after he moved, I was in the danger zone.

I turned and looked at the screen (the brand-new WI-I-IDE screen!) behind me.  There was the pastor, saying his final thing and beside him, like a bright shining number 11, were MY LEGS with their knobbly knees and white nearly-35-year-old skin.  And they were HUGE on the big screen!

To me, they were more noticeable than the pastor in the middle of the shot.  If you were there, leave a comment to say they were NOT.  If you don't leave a comment, I will assume they WERE.

(I know they were.  Long black trousers next time.)


Crazy Sister said...

I heard from someone who was there that nothing weird or startling happened at that church that day. Actually, it was a group of 7 or 8 people, and none of them noticed.

So that's 1% of the congregation checked, you just need 99 more comments like this to be secure. I see you have 82 followers, so it could actually almost happen.

Unless my maths is way off, which is possible.

Justamum said...

Well I was in the creche but Jason said he didn't notice anything huge and white on the big screen :-)

Justamum said...

Oh and I am sure that if anyone did notice they would not have thought they were huge and white with knobbly knees!!! :-) They might have thought Hmmmm That lady probably does a lot of swimming!

tinsenpup said...

Surely everyone was far too engaged with being holy and listening to the pastor's serious and important message to be noticing a pair of lovely legs in the background?

Givinya De Elba said...

Maybe everyone except me. Funny to think of everyone being terribly deep while I was temporarily blinded by my own giant knees.

Andi said...

I hate when I don't remember that I have to sit on the front row during the prayer and I'm on praise team and I put on a perfectly respectable skirt that suddenly seems TOO short and my inner thighs are EXHAUSTED by the time prayer is over from my squeezing them so hard to avoid giving anyone an accidental peek!

But my husband says it's never even CLOSE to being peeked up.

And I totally trust him to notice such things...

Givinya De Elba said...

Ha ha, I am imagining him saying it in an "Oh darn, sort of way!

Dawn said...

I'm sure that no one thought your legs looked like a bright shining number 11. If it were me, it would be a bright shining pudginess showing. Not that I've ever noticed that on our big wide screen at church. and started fidgeting, and leaning my legs one way so they didn't look obvious. And it didn't work.

Tiny Table said...

Oh wow, Fat G, I love not reading your blog for a bit while I'm away, then coming home and reading all your goodness all at once. You make me LAUGH!!

(I'm sure your knees are lovely.)