Killing a Fly with a Ukulele: The Hateful Ladder

I am the Mum.
If life was a circus, I would be the plate-juggling lady with monkeys on her shoulders who stands on one leg on a horse's back as it canters around the ring.

I am the Writer.
I use too many commas, dashes and dot-dot-dots, and I often start sentences with conjunctions because I like my blog to look the way it sounds in my mind.

I am the Hero.
Life is a bit like a superhero action comic, except that the superheroes are tiny children dressed in super-suits who possess no actual powers, while I just get them food, break up fights and clean their super-suits.

12 August 2011

The Hateful Ladder

Jessie sat eating breakfast and between bites of egg-on-toast she casually mentioned, 'That ladder outside? It hates me.'

I was absently buttering something for someone but managed to say, 'Mmm?'

She swallowed, took another bite of toast and explained, 'It whacked me. It whacked me in the eye.'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'That doesn't sound good.'

She swallowed again. 'It whacked me in the eye when I was climbing up it.'

'Really? How mean of it,' I said.

Then she nonchalantly remarked, 'See? It hates me,' and went on eating.

4 comments:

Givinya De Elba said...: She told me it was the two-step, two-foot stepladder that helps them get up on the trampoline. We don't leave six foot ladders leaning up against the house for them to explore, don't worry.; 12 August, 2011 22:58
Tracy P. said...: You are a great mom! Perfect response. Love this. :-); 12 August, 2011 23:40
Unknown said...: I hate vindictive ladders. There really are the worst kind of ladders you can own.; 13 August, 2011 17:35
Allegro ma non troppo said...: Her point of view is hilarious! Poor little thing.; 14 August, 2011 10:59

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This is the story of me, Givinya de Elba, and my adventures with Mr de Elba, my children Buzz, Jessie, and Woody and our dog, Bullseye. We have plenty of good times, some weird times and a huge dose of drama.

Some of my posts are sad, lots are funny and sometimes I subject you to my pondering. We have our celebrations, when I write a decent poem I share it with you and when I'm held hostage, I do the occasional meme.

Other people who are special to me feature here too, some of them being my Dad, my Mum, my Crazy Sister (her blog), my Wee Brother and my good friend Hippomanic Jen (her blog).

I am a part-time speech pathologist, and try to cook, keep a garden alive and take photos that don’t make us look like we are pharmaceutically affected or dangerously homicidal.

I often suffer from Mumfail but I keep hanging on to the One who picks me up when I fall. If you email me, I’ll answer.

And if all that is too much, just read my “Best Of."

No, they didn't.

They called me Katherine.

I go by Kate.

I came up with the pseudonym Givinya de Elba in highschool and it was based on a joke from an episode of Dad's Army called 'A Soldier's Farewell.'

In the episode, after eating too much toasted cheese, Captain Mainwaring dreams he is Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo. I don't remember much about the episode other than Mainwaring telling his loyal men (Jones, Pike and Godfrey) that he has been exiled to the island of Elba.

Jones quips, "Hence the expression - Givin' ya the Elber!" (giving you the elbow, i.e., pushing you around.) I thought that Givinya de Elba was a half-decent pseudonym for someone who likes to joke and push people around, and I stuck with that.

My sweet niece ...

12 August 2011

The Hateful Ladder

4 comments: