03 January 2013

Percy and The Loop of Eternity

It was a beautiful day on the island of Sodor.  "I am such a useful engine," Percy whistled to himself as he chuffed along the track from the Blue Mountain Quarry towards the dock pulling a fully-loaded coal car.  All the engines were very excited to be driving on Mr de Elba's Track of Awesomeness, and so was the coal car behind him who went "clickety-clack" as it went over the points.

Suddenly, Percy knew that something wasn't right.  "Wait a minute," he said.  "I’ve seen this Giant Baby before."  He looked around him and noticed that Mr de Elba's Track of Awesomeness had been severely modded to end in a Loop of Eternity, just next to The Giant Baby.

"Oh no!" he wailed as he completed his third entire loop.  "What am I to do?  I have to deliver this load of coal to the docks soon, or I'll never get back to Knapford Station before dark!  Sir Topham Hatt will be cross with me, and he will say I am not a Very Useful Engine at all!" he moaned as the coal car went "clickety-clack" mournfully behind him.

Suddenly, he spotted Rheneas chuffing towards him from the docks.  Rheneas pulled up quickly when he saw that his track ended abruptly.  "Oh dear," chuffed Rheneas.  "Whatever’s happened, Percy?"

"Mr de Elba’s Track of Awesomeness has been modded!" wheeshed Percy.  "I'm stuck in a Loop of Eternity next to this Giant Baby!  Can you go for help – please?"

"I'm on my way!" whooshed Rheneas as he reversed back towards the docks.  Presently he returned and whistled, "The Station Master said that Sir Topham Hatt has requested this modification so that you can provide entertainment for the Giant Baby!  You could be here for hours!  There's nothing we can do!"

"Oh no," wailed Percy.  "I don't know how much longer I can chuff around this Loop of Eternity!"  (He'd gone through two batteries since Christmas morning as it was.)  "Thomas never had to put up with this rubbish," grumbled Percy.

"What about me?" piped up the coal car.  "I've got to carry this giant load of coal - spare a thought for my bearings!" Clickety-clack, clickety-clack went his wheels as he followed Percy helplessly around the Loop of Eternity.  "Annie and Clarabel never had to put up with this rubbish!" grumbled the coal car.

Rheneas looked on helplessly as the Giant Baby gurgled happily and took a swipe at Percy as he passed.  "Sorry, Percy.  It sucks to be you."

Percy wailed mournfully, "It certainly sucks to be me."

"Hang on," said the Narrator.  "I don’t think we can say 'sucks' in this timeslot.  Let me check the script."  And he flicked furiously through the script grumbling, "Ringo Starr* never had to put up with this rubbish."

- - - - - - - - - -
* Ringo Starr narrated "Thomas the Tank Engine" in its glory days.


wide eyed said...

Liking this post

Tracy P. said...

Doesn't Percy know THAT'S the whole key to the track's awesomeness? And that IS a giant baby! Yikes. How does this happen so fast?

Sue Ellen said...

I see you have your Baby Hypnotism techniques finely honed. ;)

Crazy Sister said...

This was hysterical. You NAILED the narration!

"Modded" is modified, I suppose? I could look it up, but then I'd have this brain here just going to waste...

So funny. I'm going to read it again. And then read it to my kids.

Hairline Fracture said...

Heh. My boy never was much into trains but even I can tell this is a good parody!

I'm commenting because I read my old blog the other day (I don't have to go back to work until Monday) and I realized...I missed you. :-) This year teaching has been way busier since I have more students. But I still need to comment once in a while instead of just skimming posts.

Hippomanic Jen said...

Love the narration. Poor Percy.

Caitlin said...

HA HA! I read it to J boy(minus the last parasgraph, because yes, not a word I want him to use!) who had a smirk at intervals. Then at the end he said, "Yeah. Good. Now can I play Fruit Ninja?" Kids in the digital age can be such a tough crowd.