Woody saunters down the hall to the toilet, all the way singing, "I got da moves like Zagger, I got da moooooves... like Zagger ..."
Me looking in the fridge: I feel like eating a carrot. Oh. Only one left. Better save it. Bother. Bother-bother-poo!
Woody, appearing beside me: Where's the bottle of poo? Did you say 'bottle of poo?'
Woody: What are those kangaroos eating?
Grandma: They're eating grass.
Woody: We're walking on their food?
Settling into Daddy's work car, opening a Refidex on his lap: "Sapta Fourteen!"
Woody shuts the sliding door of Daddy's office and giggles, and I know
Daddy is inside.
Me: What's going on Woody?
Woody: He's wocked in he's 'tudy.
(Giggle giggle.)
Jessie: Who was that really short taxi-driver?
Me: ???
Jessie: The taxi-driver. The really short one? REEEAALLY short.
Me: ... Short? Like Zacchaeus?
Jessie: Yeah. Zacchaeus. The taxi-driver.
Me: Zacchaeus?!? Taxi-driver?
Buzz: Tax COLLECTOR.
Me & Jessie: Ohhh.
Jessie, "reading" a Baby Bible to Baby Rex: Jesus was thrown into a den...
Me, correcting her: ...
asleep in a
boat...
Jessie: ... and he was surrounded by all these slaves...
Me: ...
disciples...
Buzz: Mum! Jessie called me a Stupid Poo-Poo-Face!!
Jessie, deeply offended: I did NOT, you Stupid Bum-Bum-Face!!
Mr de Elba, mistakenly: C'mon! Get your shoes on, mate!
Jessie: "You can't call me
'mate'!! I'm a
girl!! You have to call me
'woman'!"
Dad, to Jessie: C'mon! Eat your salad, woman!
Jessie, later: Daddy have I eaten enough 'saladwoman' now?
Jessie: Double, triple, ... what comes after triple?
Me: Quadruple, quintuple, ...
Jessie: ... Six-qupple?
Me: Woody, you are wasting your screams. You will run out of screams one day.
Then one day when you're being chased by a wolf, you won't be able to
scream 'Argh! A wolf is chasing me!'
-All fall about laughing-
Jessie: Okay Mum, can you buy me a wolf costume?
Me: How did Greeny's pupa go at Show and Tell yesterday?
Jessie: Really good! They all said "Eww!"
Jessie: Mum! Buzz said I'm stupid!
Me: Ah. Well. See, that's not true so I wouldn't
worry about it. You know LOTS of stuff.
Jessie: Yes. Like I know that 'selfish' means you
only think of yourself. And 'liar' means you're not telling the truth.
Me: Uh. Yeah. Good examples.
Me: I hope our delivery came today! Do you think our delivery came today?
Buzz: I dunno. Don't ask me, I'm not The Master Of Deliveries.
Me: You drank all that tea without sugar!
Buzz: Yeah, but I drank it hatefully.
On bees: The Queen Bee marries the King Bee. The Queen then lays lots of eggs
and the King dies straightaway. From horror, I think. The horror of
being married.
(I later asked him what he thought of marriage: was it fun or horror? He immediately said, "Fun." Relief. I referred back to this comment about bees, and he admitted, "I'm not sure anymore. It mightn't be bees. It might be ants. Or wasps." I checked: it is bees, and marriage isn't horror.)
Buzz, enraged: OKAY Woody, HOW many videos have you been TAKING on MY iPod? HUH?
(Presses 'play,' revealing the sound of a child screeching like a
deranged chimpanzee. Ridiculous display of insanely gratuitous noise
ensues.)
Buzz, looking sheepish: Oh. Okay, that was one of mine ...
|
And this little guy of course! |
And this, by Mr de Elba:
Mr de E: Can you still buy candles at Carols by Candlelight?
Me: I think it's the plastic LED candles these days isn't it?
Mr deE: Stuff that. What's the point of Carols by Candlelight when you
can't drop hot wax on yourself? Man our childhood was awesome!