02 December 2007

Why Men Are Better At Cooking Steak

I'm a Woman. This means I rock the cradle, rule the world, and judging by my contribution to the workforce, I also run the world.

But I'll be darned if I can cook a decent steak.

I'm good at cooking a lot of things, but whenever I look at a steak it goes from rarer-than-edible to tough-as-boots in a flash. And I think I've worked out why.

As a woman, I am not only concerned with cooking a decent meal but also in leaving the least and easiest washing-up after the food is cooked. The women reading this will understand. The men will wonder if this is actually a real issue.

So as my lovely thick juicy steaks cook I am constantly thinking of the bottom of my pan - is it getting charred beyond repair and is the food and grease currently being fused on because I haven't turned the meat? Perhaps. So I turn it.

That's okay, isn't it? You should turn a steak once ideally, so that's okay.

Hmm. Those burnt brown bits visible around the steak are turning black. That'll be murder to clean later. I'd better turn the steak. I've only done it once before, it'll be fine. Gee a lot of moisture came out - I hope that's not making it too tough.

Oh, now there's a pleasantly smoky smell. That's probably okay. But the smoke is coming from the burnt bits that I can't scrape off the pan. I can't afford a new pan. I'll just turn that meat (I've only done it once haven't I?) and try to get that congealed yuck off the pan. Hmm, more moisture. Not good.

And so I turn the meat and fuss over it in a way that will only yield leathery steaks in the name of not-giving-myself-too-much-cleaning-later.

Men cook steak differently (and perfectly). They chuck a bit of meat onto a hot pan or grill and leave it. Have a beer, talk to mates, check their emails, watch something on TV, who knows. But by the time that's done and they remember the meat is there, the pan is scorched and the meat is, it must be said, perfect. Tender and moist on the inside and crisply blackened on the outside. Flip the meat, procrastinate for a while, remember the meat and serve it up. Perfecto!

The steak is enjoyed by all and the woman sighs and tries to clean the pan.

See - I'm sure I could manage all that myself, if only Consuela would do her job and clean the jolly pan.


Crazy Sister said...

I have a nasty old oven tray which is beyond repair. I put the raw steak on it and shove it in the oven at a random temperature until I'm ready for it. It's not bad - all the mess stays in the oven, and the next renters here can deal with it. I might even leave them the tray.

Givinya De Elba said...