Keeping me laughing in 2012

Woody saunters down the hall to the toilet, all the way singing, "I got da moves like Zagger, I got da moooooves... like Zagger ..."

Me looking in the fridge: I feel like eating a carrot.  Oh.  Only one left.  Better save it.  Bother.  Bother-bother-poo!
Woody, appearing beside me: Where's the bottle of poo?  Did you say 'bottle of poo?'

Woody: What are those kangaroos eating?
Grandma: They're eating grass.
Woody: We're walking on their food?

Settling into Daddy's work car, opening a Refidex on his lap: "Sapta Fourteen!"

Woody shuts the sliding door of Daddy's office and giggles, and I know Daddy is inside.
Me: What's going on Woody?
Woody: He's wocked in he's 'tudy. (Giggle giggle.)

Jessie: Who was that really short taxi-driver?
Me:  ???
Jessie: The taxi-driver.  The really short one?  REEEAALLY short.
Me: ... Short?  Like Zacchaeus?
Jessie: Yeah.  Zacchaeus.  The taxi-driver.
Me: Zacchaeus?!?  Taxi-driver?
Buzz: Tax COLLECTOR.
Me & Jessie: Ohhh.

Jessie, "reading" a Baby Bible to Baby Rex: Jesus was thrown into a den...
Me, correcting her: ...asleep in a boat...
Jessie: ... and he was surrounded by all these slaves...
Me: ...disciples...

Buzz:  Mum! Jessie called me a Stupid Poo-Poo-Face!!
Jessie, deeply offended:  I did NOT, you Stupid Bum-Bum-Face!!

Mr de Elba, mistakenly: C'mon!  Get your shoes on, mate!
Jessie: "You can't call me 'mate'!!  I'm a girl!!  You have to call me 'woman'!"

Dad, to Jessie:  C'mon!  Eat your salad, woman!
Jessie, later:  Daddy have I eaten enough 'saladwoman' now?

Jessie: Double, triple, ...  what comes after triple?
Me: Quadruple, quintuple, ...
Jessie: ... Six-qupple?

Me: Woody, you are wasting your screams. You will run out of screams one day. Then one day when you're being chased by a wolf, you won't be able to scream 'Argh! A wolf is chasing me!'
-All fall about laughing-
Jessie: Okay Mum, can you buy me a wolf costume?

Me: How did Greeny's pupa go at Show and Tell yesterday?
Jessie: Really good! They all said "Eww!" 

Jessie: Mum! Buzz said I'm stupid!
Me: Ah. Well. See, that's not true so I wouldn't worry about it. You know LOTS of stuff.
Jessie: Yes. Like I know that 'selfish' means you only think of yourself. And 'liar' means you're not telling the truth.
Me: Uh. Yeah. Good examples.

Me: I hope our delivery came today!  Do you think our delivery came today?
Buzz:  I dunno.  Don't ask me, I'm not The Master Of Deliveries. 

Me: You drank all that tea without sugar!
Buzz:  Yeah, but I drank it hatefully.

On bees:  The Queen Bee marries the King Bee.  The Queen then lays lots of eggs and the King dies straightaway.  From horror, I think.  The horror of being married.
(I later asked him what he thought of marriage: was it fun or horror?  He immediately said, "Fun."  Relief.  I referred back to this comment about bees, and he admitted, "I'm not sure anymore.  It mightn't be bees.  It might be ants.  Or wasps."  I checked: it is bees, and marriage isn't horror.)

Buzz, enraged: OKAY Woody, HOW many videos have you been TAKING on MY iPod? HUH?
(Presses 'play,' revealing the sound of a child screeching like a deranged chimpanzee. Ridiculous display of insanely gratuitous noise ensues.)
Buzz, looking sheepish: Oh. Okay, that was one of mine ...

And this little guy of course!

And this, by Mr de Elba: 

Mr de E: Can you still buy candles at Carols by Candlelight?
Me: I think it's the plastic LED candles these days isn't it?
Mr deE:  Stuff that.  What's the point of Carols by Candlelight when you can't drop hot wax on yourself?  Man our childhood was awesome!